The Octopus and I

Flash fiction – 350 words.


Confession time: for the last couple of years I have been living a lie.

Since I moved to the Che Guevara estate – so-called because of the guerilla warfare among feuding drug-dealing gangs – I have acquired a dubious reputation.

My name is Joe Formaggio but that’s not why they say I’m the Big Cheese. The residents assume that I am a Mafioso, even a Godfather.

Which I ain’t. It’s all a misunderstanding.

What enhances people’s belief that I am a ruthless villain is my physical attributes. A broken nose and cauliflower ears, the legacy of amateur-boxing days.

I was amused by the situation, did not do anything to dispel the rumour and decided to continue the mendacity.

I run an import/export company between this country and my motherland. It is a legitimate operation and that is the honest truth.

Because of the nature of my business, I receive a lot of correspondence.

Not all the literature I receive is business-related, though. I subscribe to various publications among which there is a parish newsletter from my hometown that the reverend Father sends me to keep me informed of what goes on among the congregation, i.e. births, deaths, weddings.

The newsletter is printed by a local printer who had the bright idea of putting on its masthead the picture of our church tower and the title “Casa Nostra” (our house).

Our postman, unfortunately, is monoglot and it is understandable that he read it as “Cosa Nostra” (our thing).

In a jiff, I morphed into a member of the Sicilian criminal fraternity. Suddenly people started behaving oddly, forelock-tugging and showing me excessive respect.

One unexpected, but welcome, consequence of my arrival on the Che Guevara estate is that all the small-time drug dealers and skinheads gangs have disappeared, obviously afraid of incurring the wrath of the Sicilian ‘Octopus’ and for the first time our streets are safer and drug-free zones.

By not revealing that I am just an honest trader, I am maintaining the fairy tale alive and will keep the lie going for everyone’s benefit and peace of mind.

 

 

© Luigi Pagano 2021

 

 

 

 

 

 

© ionicus 2021
UKA Editor's Pick!
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critique and comments welcome.
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Griffonner

I enjoyed reading this, Luigi. A gentle and harmless read about a beneficial application of deception!

(It gave a more acceptable face to misinformation – which unfortunately has become a tool of the once honourable status of parliamentarian!)*

*Sorry, I couldn’t help myself. 🙂

Best wishes,
Allen

Bhi

Let’s hope the gang members are not following UKAuthors! I would have had you as a Roman general, with that patrician profile of yours, Luigi, but then looks can be deceiving! An extremely well written piece.

Guaj

to paraphrase Abe L. lets hope you can fool some of the people all the time 🙂

Pronto

This was a great read for me, Luigi. I really enjoyed it. A long time ago I worked for a dodgy double glazing company that were slow payers. All “mistakes” in pay were to the minus. In those days I used to do sport parachuting and because I was always running or going to the gym and because I was ex-military, they mistook me for being ex SAS. I denied it (Because I wasn’t) The more I denied it, the more convinced they became that I was. It meant I always got paid correctly and I got good leads. In… Read more »

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