Wordless (fine tuned)
Wordless - Stormwolf
poem has been amended due to a typo and also, once posted I felt it could do with a brush up. (thanks Luigi)
In silence, I watched him leave
mute with disbelief.
‘Wordless’ has become my portent,
escape from un-corked expression
leading to short-circuiting,
mind-blowing
emptiness.
Chatter is superficial,
meaningless.
Overwhelming emotion
integration of great pain
is internally processed
in wound-licking solitude.
Blood red with feeling
too raw for sharing…
Wordless.
© stormwolf 2020
Views: 229
there is a typo, solitude
‘too raw’, almost felt what I have felt and perhaps still feeling at times. terse.
xx
Oh noooooo!!!
Well how strange I never noticed it . 🙁
and now there’s bugger all I can do about it! Haha.
I do not recommend putting words on pictures like this BTW. It is fiddly and time consuming and last but not least…if it needs altering you are done for! 🙂
Thanks Nic xxx
“Too raw for sharing” but the sharing has been framed extremely well. Wordless defined in an altogether wordful way.
Thank you Bhi. You can see I have now amended it in the hope of improvement.
That’s the great thing about writing poetry imho. We are free to change it and hopefully improve it Ad Infinitum.
I feel it reads better now.
Many thanks for reading and commenting.
Alison x
I am reading this as an attempt at describing those emotions and feelings that come when a relationship sets sail on a diverse course. So precise in defining that sense of abandonment/frustration that makes us either lost for words or fearful of expressing them!
I hope I read that right. But no matter, at least it resonated with me on one level.
Blessings and love
Allen x
You did indeed read it right Allen. in this poem I am referring to myself of course but in my experience, there is a level of hurt and pain that is SO deep, it cannot be adequately expressed in words. It stifles words in the throat. If we give in to bitter recriminations, it only hurts us more in the long run. Probably why I have this disdain for people spilling their guts on social media…haha but if we can use those extreme feelings for art? Then we can create something beautiful that others can relate to (hopefully) Not that… Read more »
It may be a striking picture and it’s a pity that the mistyped word of this lovely poem cannot be changed. My suggestion would be to delete it in its present format and resubmit it as a text without the fancy picture which in my opinion does not add to the quality of the piece which is excellent.
Luigi x
I could not agree more Luigi. The funny thing is that this was nibbed last time which goes to show we often only see what we want to see. I am going to delete and repost here and amend it slightly as I see some things I feel need attention. It may improve the poem in the long run. 😉 This was from my experimental stage but if I change a poem, I can re-record it but too much hassle to repeat in this format. I agree that poems should be able to stand on their own merit and it… Read more »
Oh Alison . . . .
I didn’t read the earlier version, I had a bad day yesterday (effing Banks!) but this really, to me, paints only too graphically, the terrible feeling of not knowing how you should feel when someone abandons you unexpectedly. Gave me goose bumps.
Having stared out at nothing (and feeling nothing) on such occasions I feel the picture is perfect. (sorry Luigi)
Hi there Guaj 🙂
The original was actually ON the picture. There was a typo in it and I thought I could improve the poem too. So Luigi was referring to the previous one 😉
I am glad you can see where the poem was coming from. One of the few times I am lost for words!
Alison x