Let’s see, shyguy. You welcomed suggestions on this a few months ago, did you not? Well, guess I could say add an s here, adjust title there – but I don’t actually think trifling changes like that could ever do justice to this idea, this concept of yours. Three lines, verbless at that, do not work in this instance. Your idea is too complex. But don’t stuff this in the back of a drawer, or worse, throw it away. Would urge you to take pen in hand and develop this into a much longer poem. Me, I’d personalize it at… Read more »
Thank you, Bel, for taking the time to revisit this poem and for giving me the top notch suggestion to develop it into a much longer poem, personalized, and incorporating a more historical perspective. Adding Oppenheimer (a somewhat tragic figure in the development of the bomb) to the mix would anchor it historically and give it a more human face indeed. I intended the poem to be rather cold (in keeping with the nuclear winter theme), thus the three line, sparse, haiku-like format. It never occurred to me to warm it up a bit along the lines you suggest. There’s… Read more »
wow…. thank you very much
You’re welcome.
Let’s see, shyguy. You welcomed suggestions on this a few months ago, did you not? Well, guess I could say add an s here, adjust title there – but I don’t actually think trifling changes like that could ever do justice to this idea, this concept of yours. Three lines, verbless at that, do not work in this instance. Your idea is too complex. But don’t stuff this in the back of a drawer, or worse, throw it away. Would urge you to take pen in hand and develop this into a much longer poem. Me, I’d personalize it at… Read more »
Thank you, Bel, for taking the time to revisit this poem and for giving me the top notch suggestion to develop it into a much longer poem, personalized, and incorporating a more historical perspective. Adding Oppenheimer (a somewhat tragic figure in the development of the bomb) to the mix would anchor it historically and give it a more human face indeed. I intended the poem to be rather cold (in keeping with the nuclear winter theme), thus the three line, sparse, haiku-like format. It never occurred to me to warm it up a bit along the lines you suggest. There’s… Read more »