jasmine flower

My love is like a jasmine flower,

Dancing in darkness and light

Shaking the fragrance of passion.

In company, with summer

She fondles sweet dreams

Collecting them roses,

Giving them butterfly kisses

 

My love sleeps in a magical bed,

Woven by blue sky,

Adorned with moons and stars,

And colors of hot rumor,

All hugs her every night,

Collecting her dreams’ smiles,

And desire,

And plant them in my heart,

Roses of chastity,

Taking me with such a bliss

To the land of freedom and light.

© jamalbbd 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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RLW

Hi,

Again I really like much of this. Some nice imagery. The repeat of roses (perhaps too cliched anyway) and ‘hug’ grates with me. However, love poetry is not really my thing so perhaps this is why. But I think with a little pruning here and there, this could be lovelier.

Rachel 🙂

TheRecluse

Full of colour and embellishments. Perhaps “caress” would be better than hugs, and also ended as started taking you to the land of “darkness and Light”, helps keep it all integral. But, there’s more than room on site for this more luxurious, exultant poetry, more imagery than subtle nuance. Brings a wider variation. A pleasant read.

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