Unforgiven.

I am no more than yesterday’s echo,

less than a whisper in the shadows

of your thoughts.

You turn your back; leave me to drift

forsaken, into the night

your cold words piercing sharp as

stars in a blackened sky.

 

My careless eye, in darkness failed to see

the light it took away.

© sweetwater 2021
UKA Editor's Pick!
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critique and comments welcome.
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Guaj

Very sad poem of regret, but well written speaking of all too familiar emotions many have had to suffer.

One point on the presentation —
may I suggest removing the question and make it a statement —

I am no more than yesterday’s echo,
less than a whisper in the shadows
of your thoughts

I think it could make the poem stronger.

Griffonner

The act of cause is callous, unthinking, selfish, and ultimately unloving. You describe an aspect of the effect eloquently. To those with empathy feel the pain and sense of betrayal.
Those last two lines are brilliant!
Allen

Oh. That is so unfortunate. I feel for you. Interestingly enough, because I once made a suggestion about succession of title to both of my daughters, one saw it for what it was, the other took exception. All I was doing was trying to protect my wife, their mother! Fortunately things have settled back to normal. I guess what it reaffirmed to me, is that no two people read something and see the same thing!! As authors that only makes our job that much more difficult. But I guess it has always been so. I send positive vibes that your… Read more »

Valdohren

Another very poignant write Sue, wish your unforgiving daughter would realise how much you care. I would have given anything to have had a mother throughout my life, but I have not, so if your daughter could only see what she has seemingly ‘thrown away.’ We all make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes. Hopefully, eventually, she will come to see that.
Best wishes.
Val x

Dodgem

Reading this Sue, and the comments, I first find that the poem stand on its own merits, as well crafted piece – its just that good. Then, reading on, I learn more about its genesis, the situation you still find yourself in re your family. The irony is, that while you may or may not find closure with the latter, the former will always be more true. God bless you Sue.

Dougie

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