Unforgiven.
I am no more than yesterday’s echo,
less than a whisper in the shadows
of your thoughts.
You turn your back; leave me to drift
forsaken, into the night
your cold words piercing sharp as
stars in a blackened sky.
My careless eye, in darkness failed to see
the light it took away.
© sweetwater 2023
Views: 937
Very sad poem of regret, but well written speaking of all too familiar emotions many have had to suffer.
One point on the presentation —
may I suggest removing the question and make it a statement —
I am no more than yesterday’s echo,
less than a whisper in the shadows
of your thoughts
I think it could make the poem stronger.
Thank you, I think you are right about that line, if my tablet will let me edit it I shall, it isn’t always that helpful though.
sue.
The act of cause is callous, unthinking, selfish, and ultimately unloving. You describe an aspect of the effect eloquently. To those with empathy feel the pain and sense of betrayal.
Those last two lines are brilliant!
Allen
A careless mistake I made, I skip read a post on Facebook and completely misread it, ( a very bad habit of mine) so my comment although lovingly intended was in fact totally inappropriate. My daughters read it, no idea how as it was on a Seniors group, one daughter accepted my apology and explanation, my other one did not, and has shut me out of her’s and her family’s life. The two girls and their families are the total of my family.
Thank you for reading and your thoughtful comment. Sue.
Oh. That is so unfortunate. I feel for you. Interestingly enough, because I once made a suggestion about succession of title to both of my daughters, one saw it for what it was, the other took exception. All I was doing was trying to protect my wife, their mother! Fortunately things have settled back to normal. I guess what it reaffirmed to me, is that no two people read something and see the same thing!! As authors that only makes our job that much more difficult. But I guess it has always been so. I send positive vibes that your… Read more »
Thank you, That’s very positive and very helpful. I am pleased things are normal once again. X
Another very poignant write Sue, wish your unforgiving daughter would realise how much you care. I would have given anything to have had a mother throughout my life, but I have not, so if your daughter could only see what she has seemingly ‘thrown away.’ We all make mistakes and get things wrong sometimes. Hopefully, eventually, she will come to see that.
Best wishes.
Val x
Thank you Val, she was always more of a Daddy’s girl but he kept rejecting her, He died a few years ago without that situation being addressed. I imagine that deep down it made all those rejections resurface. I am sorry you didn’t have long with your mum, I lost mine 24 years ago, I have never felt pain like it. So much I want to ask her, I imagine it’s the same for you and your mum. Xx
Reading this Sue, and the comments, I first find that the poem stand on its own merits, as well crafted piece – its just that good. Then, reading on, I learn more about its genesis, the situation you still find yourself in re your family. The irony is, that while you may or may not find closure with the latter, the former will always be more true. God bless you Sue.
Dougie
Thank you so much Dougie, that’s very kind of you and much appreciated.
Both my girls are wonderful people and I’m so proud of them both. One is very calm, forgiving and easy going, the other is fiery, volatile and
easily annoyed, and I think I just annoy her anyway for some reason.
i hope this can be resolved as I can’t bear conflict.
And I miss her, and my grandchildren.
Oh well, it does inspire the odd poem now and then!
And I’m so pleased you thought the poem was good 🙂 sue.