Dance of the Giants (a wedding toast)

Actually gave a version of this best man’s toast at my best friend’s wedding.

“When the elephants mate it is the grass that suffers,” is a Swahili proverb that describes what biologists call “mating pandemonium,” behavior the rest of the herd does when two elephants are in the act. Young or old, they shake their great heads to mysterious rhythms, stomp around on the grass and small trees like a choreographed dance of giants, trumpet their rampaging songs, pull down big trees, and generally carry on wildly in a protective circle around the mated pair.

It’s only right that we emulate those majestic creatures to a point. After all, we and they are the only beings on the planet who mourn for years their lost family members—they’ve been known to visit the bones of their mothers–and so we should boisterously celebrate our two dear friends union and let the grass look out for itself.