Amalgamation

Another proem!

A moment comes in time when you realise that nothing, nothing at all, is worth perpetuating outside of love. It is the moment when you truly understand that the past is gone and cannot be changed, and that the only real thing is now – the amalgamation of all that has gone before.

(In expressing this, I feel ashamed that I have been able to comfortably write and think of myself when there are so many lovely souls in the World who are suffering untold pain and anguish, especially in India. Mentally I send blessings and love to them all from the bottom of my heart.)

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As a younger man I argued that the circle is the symbol of perfection: The circumference having no beginning and no end. Hence the graphic.

There were many facets in our relationship.
For many years our vibrations were abrasive:
They created discordant sounds;
Disturbed emotions;
Suspicions;
Anger.
Not good things to share in life.

The problem may well have been that
with you always around I could never get the space,
the peace of mind, to evaluate
and to analyse
what
and why
I was feeling those things.

For too many years I blamed you for the cacophony.
For too many years I was unable
to let down my barriers:
drop my walls.
Walls that I had built
in a vain attempt
to protect myself from being ill at ease with you.

Now that you are gone out of life,
the passing days have taught me
that there is more to relationships
than relations:
That there is much
that cannot be understood
in the moment of it’s happening.

Life itself changes us.
The experiences that come to us change us.
I have been changed both by the relationship
we experienced together,
and by the time
I have had to reflect
on that since you went away.

I am more keenly aware, today, now,
that I should not expect an apology from you,
but instead I should thank you
for choosing
to be my mother,
and for teaching me about myself –
who I am. It has been a valuable lesson.

Only now understood at this time
when many things are amalgamated.