The Grief of a Loss
At present, I’m working on short poems. I’ve three ready, the rest can wait.
The grief of a loss,
when standing askance,
staring into the mirror.
From now on – alone:
half a pair of scissors.
D G Moody.
© Dodgem 2023
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At present, I’m working on short poems. I’ve three ready, the rest can wait.
The grief of a loss,
when standing askance,
staring into the mirror.
From now on – alone:
half a pair of scissors.
D G Moody.
again this has even greater potetial, how about the last line,
a pair of scissors halved.
Outstanding emotion, grief and attempt to encompass the inexpressible.
This would go into my fav poems but alas that is not available yet.
Alison x
Thanks Alison and Nic; feedback is always appreciated. and yes, as soon as I posted it I could see where it could be improved – I’m thinking of the first word on the second line; as to the last line – I’m not so sure: ‘a pair of scissors halved’ may work, but so far I’m happy with the present ending.
I think this is really very emotive, Dodgem. Congratulations on the nib, too.
We all see ourselves in a mirror from time to time, but we don’t always ‘see’ ourselves. In the instance your poem describes, the elephant in the room is also reflected: an empty space beside, behind, around, and inside of you. Your accompanying image is blurred, were it not, all of this would be seen in the eyes.
Blessings, Allen
Thanks Allen. It’s interesting, how when we look at one of our own poems – even my efforts, we can see that there is always a word or phrase that needs changing. I’ve had to change one word already: ‘as’ becomes ‘when’, it just seems more apt. BTW, excuse my ignorance – but what is a nib? I’m still a stranger here – but not in a strange land!
Best….Dougie
Hello Dougie, Going back to former UKA days, works were selected for ‘mention’ by the award of a nib … now it is that your work has been ‘picked’. I (in my dotage) still think of it as being the award of a nib. Sorry if that confused you Yes indeed as regards editing works. As a matter of fact, in my comment to your poem (above) my meaning in my last sentence was perhaps not so clear as could have been if I had added the word ‘reflected’ before the final word ‘eyes’… and so it goes on. 🙂… Read more »
Ah! Enlightenment glasshopper! Thanks Allen, I thought it might have been a rustic implement! I’m glad to know what it means.
Dougie