Battle October 12, 2020 stormwolf Poetry Battle - StormwolfOne from my archives. I did several onto pictures for a change of presentation. © stormwolf 2023Views: 994critique and comments welcome. 8 comments anxiety, audio, depression, Night.
deals are made that’s for sure, but one can break them when he is up and around, fully awake no longer immersed in pit of night (huge subject, I call them ‘astral deals’ that must be revoked.)
when we wake tired due to these fights it is this hope that makes us stand on our two feet, again.
loved it of course
Thank you Nic. Yes, the night and dreams can be unknown territory. Everything is so magnified then.
Sometimes I have to tell myself that everyone feels the same mostly.
It is a poem of trying to remain optimistic while all around earthly conditions seem to be a handcart to hell.
An excellent poem, Alison. I like Nic’s ‘Astral Deals’ because that’s what ‘before the waking light‘ might be (as I’m sure you’re aware!) It is a monstrous shame that our duality (or more) is shielded one from the other – except to those who may be blessed with eyes to see more than just the physical.
Your poem manages to encompass the suffering and struggling which some find themselves constantly
experiencingenduring on the pathway to enlightenment(?)
Blessings and love,
Hi Allen, I think the poem, like so many, can be read in various ways according to the reader’s own perception. I love that idea for often we write a poem thinking we are saying one thing…when in actual fact our subconscious has maybe overtaken our pen and we are saying something much deeper. It was the same when I was part of a ‘dream group’ Many times people detailed their dreams only to find to their acute embarrassment that they had exposed hidden issues that other’s saw clearly in the dream analyses that followed. We needed to have an… Read more »
Yes, all existence is some form of battle against oblivion. I like the phrasing and structure.
I must say, that’s a scary look you have there! 😉
It’s excellent actually. Like you are acutely aware of everything and find smiling manically keeps you one step ahead of the game. 🙂
Wow! I really like this one, Alison. It’s great to see you branching out into rhyme. I don’t think you have many rhyming poems, do you? This poem also shows an excellent grasp of meter. It wobbles a bit with “forlorn” (wrong syllable stressed), and personally I would say “luckless” or something like that, stressing the first syllable. But overall, very good. Wonderful. Lines 5 to 10 are almost a Burns stanza, a standard habbie. Did you have your countryman in mind when you wrote them? I feel there should be a rhyme for “war”, and was expecting it to… Read more »
Thank you. I have many poems that rhyme. I usually know from the first line if it is going to rhyme or not but I never set out to write one way of the other.
Some just call out to be rhyming.