The Rain Came In.

A poem


The rain came in laughing,

splashing from leaf to 

shimmering leaf, giggling

as gutters splutter to catch

their breath.

Each droplet chattering,

dancing on branches

dipping beneath the weight

of a thousand sparkling eyes,

blinking across a slowly

rising dawn.

 

 

© sweetwater 2020
Views: 171
critique and comments welcome.
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Stormwolf

Sue! Wonderful to see you here. I missed your poetry. I don’t know if you meant to put this under non fiction instead of poetry. I almost missed it. I have just nipped on to leave a comment. I have other work to respond to but will leave it till the morning. 😉 This poem is exquisite. Stamped all over with your individual style. It brings a smile to my face.:-) Firstly because I love rain and secondly due to it being such a cheery lighthearted poem. I love to think of the effervescence portrayed here. The rain has a… Read more »

Stormwolf

If you get stuck again send me a message and I will try to help. There are teething problems that will right in time. I had two pics on my poem and nothing would get rid of them but when Richard checked, there was only one but on my end there were two plus my lines were all over the place!

I cannot explain it but it will sort itself once we get back in the swing of things. Never allow that sort of thing to stop you posting. x

Belcanto

A lovely cadence of sound and every which way movement of light in your choice of words and images, Sue. Always a close observer of nature, in this poem you capture the soul cleansing relief of a drenching rainfall at the start of a new day. I’m sensing a slow, healing acceptance and a dawning hope for a deeply bruised heart as time passes and life goes on. I hope I’m right. Good to see you back. 🙂 Shelagh aka bel xx

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There is a strong sonorous quality to this poem, which I like. Rhymes, alliteration, assonance. For example ‘dance’ and ‘branch’ and then ‘dipping beneath’. Very pleasing to the ear.

I think ‘splutter’ should be in the past tense, because you begin in the past with ‘came’.

Griffonner

Lovely!
Allen
x

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