Inner Ramblings

So, I’m new to this and not really sure how it works but I just wanted somewhere to share some things I’ve been working on. 

The soul destroying realisation hit me like waves crash upon a beach, our situation is dire…  Thirty seconds of speech, one message, the smallest morsel of information that tore us from one another’s grasp. Disbelief at the forefront of my mind, could it be true – could it? 

Thirty minutes of investigation, ten minutes of communication was all it took to confirm the worst. 

The truth always prevails. 

All the denial in the world could not seal the lid of despair, the horror, the lies. Climbing a mountain of ice could not compare to the effort I pulled on in order to expel that information from my mind. My imagination is feral, torturous; scenes of betrayal run rampage in my mind day and night. 

Conceal it! Forget it! 

Truth displaces wishes it will never leave, nor will it go away. It is etched into the deepest part of me forever – carved into my heart. 

Convincing myself I can continue like it never happened is like ignoring an arrow through the heart. My heart is in pieces as is my mind, nevertheless they are durable and I will bend them until they break. 


Love is torture, that is why. I will bend over backwards till my spine shatters just to be in your arms one last time. Once my back is broken surely I cannot return… perhaps I can drag myself to you. Defeat is not a path I chose to take. Nothing good comes easy and nothing this pure falls at your feet by chance. We fight and fight, the distain between us creates tension that you couldn’t cut with a scythe. If it cannot be cut, perhaps I can climb it, scale the side and plummet to my death should that be the only way to get back to you. 

Maybe then, you’ll see my truth, my commitment and my love.  Maybe you’ll see that I will not leave you. Maybe, just maybe then you will give me the tiny piece of yourself that I need to bandage myself back together, binding us to one another forever…

© RatherNot 2023
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May I follow Gammon in extending a welcome to you. Young love is much more volatile and full of intense overpowering emotions. I’m a very long way away from that state, and I feel that old love – or should I say love experience in advanced years – is far more gentle, and in my (our) case tempered by nearly fifty years of being together 24/24. I was prompted to say the above after reading your piece, which reminded me of the angst of youth – the memory of which never goes away. If I may I’m also into suggesting… Read more »

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