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Gomathi
7 months ago

Enjoyed listening to your Winter’s Song, Sweetwater. A poem as refreshing, crisp and cool as winter’s breath. One more beautiful night scene captured for us readers. Thankyou for sharing!
Warm Regards, Gomathi

Nemo
7 months ago

This instantly conveys the sensation of being outdoors on a frosty night. However, sorry to point out a small nit (horrible word): but midnight cannot drift; it is a time and as soon as it changes it becomes one minute after midnight, and so on. Also it is not a concrete thing that can drift like a boat on a river. I suggest something like – “Midnight, my thoughts drift away into darkness….” The lone voice is very eerie but would it be a human voice? I would suggest an owl.. “Across the night, an owl’s lone cry, crisp and… Read more »

Nemo
7 months ago
Reply to  sweetwater

Just to be a nuisance again, by definition, midnight is a precise time, or if you take it to be, in a loose sense, the middle of the night, it is in darkness, so it can’t drift into what it’s already in. It doesn’t hold water. Again, as it stands, if you use the word ‘voice’ the reader is bound to think you mean a human voice. If it’s not a human voice, I think you should say so. Gerald.

Nemo
7 months ago
Reply to  sweetwater

Please don’t apologise, Sue. We all have bits we can work on but we don’t have enough people prepared to tell us.
Gerald.

Nemo
7 months ago
Reply to  sweetwater

Yes….. midnight drifts away in darkness… yes, that’s genius!!!!!

Nemo
7 months ago
Reply to  sweetwater

I think you need to keep midnight as it sets up the night scene better. Hours is any time. Also,there’s “The midnight darkness deepens…”

Jolen
7 months ago

Lovely work. Sparse wording which nevertheless allows the reader to view an abundance of music with this winter song. Much enjoyed it.

blessings,
jolen

Stormwolf
7 months ago

I have come to love your poems which have a style all of their own. You always manage to capture so much in so few lines.
Alison x

Stormwolf
6 months ago
Reply to  sweetwater

Yes. I miss Mike too and Bozz and weefatfella 🙁
They were lovely men and very encouraging to me. I still feel a pang of sadness thinking about them and how lucky I was to know them.
Bozz was wonderfully kind to me and he gave me the affirmation of my work I have never received from any of my family. So did Mike.
We remember those who leave their mark by their kindness .
I think of their wives too and how much they must be missing them, especially in this season.
🙁
Alison x

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