I look at you
I know you don’t lie,
But what you show’s untrue.
Captured in the classy frame
Shades of faces begging for fame,
Masks unmasked, in a fake win-lose game.
To be the fairest of them all
Everyone’s a step child
My zeal to kill with skill,
Let all of them go to hell,
Fall, get ruined,
Crushed, forgotten forever, perpetually small
All this for what I cannot hold,
Nor behold for long.
Who’s the wisest of them
All? All of a sudden
If I’d change my question,
My mind will reflect like a glass
Screeching in shame
For it’s not designed to peek within at all,
So inside it stands like a useless wall.
© supratik 2023
Perhaps I am not reading this properly, Supratik, but I am confused. At first I thought that the subject was a mirror as the first stanza and various other lines seemed to point to it with references such as ‘Shades of faces begging for fame’, ‘ To be the fairest of them all’ and ‘Who’s the wisest of them all?’ but then the mention of a glasshouse threw me and I could not see the connection. Also when you say ‘jobless glass’ do you mean the glass (or mirror) does not serve its purpose any longer? ‘Jobless’ is not a… Read more »
Thank you for your feedback Luigi. I agree with you. Also feel guilty of confusing the reader. Perhaps if it’s worth another read it could become clear that although the poem is talking about a mirror, it is not the physical mirror, but the mirror we carry with us no matter what. The colour, the texture of the mirror is predetermined; the mirror in the poem is the mind, the mind that has been trained to look at the outside, hence fairest, it is never trained to peek inside; that which is inside doesn’t see the inside seems strange. Mind’s… Read more »
Dear Supratik, I see that you welcome critique and comments and that a fair assessment would be in order. Following your suggestion, I have re-read your poem. I appreciate that to start with the subject is the mirror (or looking glass) as a metaphor for the mind and I have no problem with that; it quotes the saying “the mirror never lies” and qualifies that statement with the truism ‘But what you show’s untrue’. I also recognise Snow White’s evil stepmother’s mantra “Mirror, mirror, on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?“ in the line that reads ‘Who’s the wisest… Read more »
I will. You see that’s my problem, when I write I also have to think of grammar… but I don’t, my definitions stretch beyond comprehension, for instance, mind, mirror, glass, are similar and dissimilar; what I see in my mind, or in the mirror as a reflection can be conditioned (hence a cage where you become house arrest, a glasshouse) and untrue… reflection is not self, it’s a shift from reality, isn’t it? Whatever I say, I see you do have a point, I will try to revisit and, if possible, rewrite certain parts to make it more acceptable grammatically.… Read more »
Thanks Luigi for your probe. I have changed the poem, also its name as you can see. What I did not like is your not replying to my private message, it is so demoralising (don’t take it too seriously) I wanted your final say Mr Edrudite Englishman.
But thank you my friend. I’m sure you’ll kind of like it?
My thanks also goes to Sue (a BIG one) for I have included one line which is marrying so well with the theme.
Let’s keep writing, let’s keep trying.
Dear Supratik, until I read the above reply I was not aware that you had sent me a private message as I did not receive a notification. It just shows that this website’s system is not yet working properly.
The re-written poem is very much improved and I do like it. The new title is also more in tune with the verse.
Kind regards, Luigi
Yay! Victory at last. Thank you thank you, thank you. You have a wonderful day!
I enjoyed your interpretation of the poem Goth. Much appreciated.
Beauty, what is it really. It used to be clever make up tricks, wash away the paint and you still had a natural beauty nature perfected, perhaps not how one wants to look but beautiful to many.
A surgeons knife now seeks to sculpt the natural into stone stature features, barely ably to smile. A plastic painted doll forever needing adjustments to halt the years.
The ultimate celebrity with no abilities.
Great poem, makes a very good point. sue.
I am really surprised at your sensitive and sensible response. Either you have improved a lot or I didn’t communicate with you enough earlier. Whatever be it, this Sue is not only a deft writer, but an in depth reader too. I miss this kind of response from Alison. I think Luigi, a sincere and a remarkable writer who gives very constructive feedback can also see the poem through your interpretation.
Yes right so it does. Ha Ha Ha! It’s marvelous to see how interpretation changes the perceptions, that’s why it’s a genre I love.
I have changed the last line.
Thank you so so much.