The Lost One.
Shade blackened copse.
Beyond the eye a shadow,
twining and caressing
sinuous and pressing
every bough embrace,
a fleeting breath
© sweetwater 2023
This is interesting. I like the gaunt structure of this piece almost like the object you are writing about. It creates a good, but cold atmosphere. I hope this is what you are aiming for. I have a feeling it may be about depression or indecision.
Hi, gosh you are very perceptive. It just began with me watching the sun filter through the copse beyond my garden, then a shadow looking as if it was wandering about caressing the trees, the more I worked on it the more it evolved into this much darker poem. I suddenly realised I was writing about my own loss ( my beloved dog Harvey ) and the grief I am still struggling with. It was a bit of a shock I must say to find my subconscious can sneak up on me like that. Thank you for reading and commenting,… Read more »
I’d better agree with gosh (just kidding). A standard poem the way I’ve learned your writing and as such it has the economy with words, mindfully depicting and leaving a rather great deal for the reader. Great Work!!
Thank you, 🙂 It is rather more stripped down than my other bits and bobs but it seems to work better that way. sue.
That acknowledgement that they’re no longer there is awful. Lost describes that feeling perfectly. There are times in the morning that I forget and reach down my hand to touch Ben, and that feeling of loss is there again. Take your time to grieve. It’s hard to be without that companionship.
It’s terribly hard, I’ve had dogs and cats ( and countless rats, mice, guinea pigs etc ) my whole life but I have never been hit by their loss as hard as I have been by the loss of Harvey, I thought my last two dogs were dreadful but this well it’s beyond anything, other than my mum of course.
I’m so pleased you felt my poem conveyed the feeling I was hoping for, and very sorry to hear about your Ben. X. sue.x
Nice craft here. Beautiful flow, a lasting one.
Thank you so much, you are very kind. sue.