Intro: this is a short story aiming to create a circular story

The two lovers saw each other. Truly. Helene, red jacket, flowered dress, feather earrings, giant belt, tiny bag kind of woman. Stephane, trench-coat, tie, impeccable modern stylish laceless shoes, t-shirt with self sowed decorative buttons and calm smile kind of man. Right in front of each other, a city view behind them, outside a café, rain suddenly pours, wet now, kiss. Helene met Stephane.

Love is not a feeling, passion, selfishness, last word deserving mouths, late night narrow street screaming. Leftovers on the table, broken glasses, wine stains on the wall, a wide open wardrobe, hangers on the floor, one side remarkably empty. Helene left in winter. Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter, Spring, Summer, Autumn, Winter. Street corner, small café, big coffee cup, heart shaped foam, latte art. Helene met Mark. They look at each other’s eyes. She is pale brown, he is green. She sips, she smiles, she thanks. He welcomes, he thanks, he smiles, he shivers. She shivers.

Love is timeless. Twelve months. Love. Six weeks. Loveless. Grey clouds, cold wind, Mark’s hat, Mark’s checked shirt, Mark’s material shoes, grey pavement. 9 hours. Mark’s eyes look for life’s meaning in the ocean from a beach side bench. Lucille’s eyes focus on the beach side walk. Lucille’s sweat band, Lucille’s jogging t-shirt, Lucille’s jogging shoes, Lucille’s ankle breaks. She falls, she screams, she cries. Mark met Lucille.

Love is not slave. Same street corner, same café, same man. Mark’s silver half heart shaped necklace hanging from his neck, Lucille’s silver half heart shaped necklace hanging from his hand. Mark’s tears. Lucille’s tears, Lucille’s steps. Café’s door bell. Lucille runs, cries, stops, thinks, walks, cries, calls friends, doubts, cries, thinks, walks, drinks, sleeps. This is Lucille’s first day. Lucille is anxious, happy, nervous, timid, afraid, concerned, doubtful, excited. She talks to herself in the ladies’ room mirror. Lucille is reassured, confident, anxious. Lucille meets her co-workers. Lucille met Stephane.

Love is not afraid. Lucille and Stephane slow down for fear gained from bad breakups. They are stuck, they know this, they talk about this, they argue about this, they blame each other about this, they blame themselves, they say will stay in touch, they promise, hug, goodbye, distance, never call.

Stephane listens to friendly advise and decides to give love one more chance. Stephane buys new impeccable modern stylish laceless shoes. Walks around. He is confident, courageous, positive. He looks at the buildings, he sees the historically important architectonic details, he looks at the shops, he sees a woman wearing a red jacket, flowered dress, feather earrings, giant belt and a tiny bag. He walks next to her, outside a café, in front of a city view. Stephane and Helene see each other, right next to each other, rain suddenly pours, wet now. Kiss. Stephane met Helene.



© a_nembrini 2023
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critique and comments welcome.
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I had to really concentrate on this and read it a few times to actually get what you were doing here. Having done that, I find it really interesting.. I notice you say it’s a short story that you plan to take further and I wonder if you intend to use the same style? I’m intrigued and would like to see more from you.


You’re welcome. I can see this as a screenplay. I think it’s great to play around with different ideas and see how they work. I’m glad you’ll be adding more. I look forward to reading.

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