I had nowhere else to go
as I was ruined by injustice
and let down by those I most depended on.
There was no mercy in the bringing on
of holocausts galore against my life and freedom,
so I should have let myself be murdered
and have done with all the falseness of humanity;
but I was left alive and forced to grim survival,
nothing more remaining than the last resort of darkness
and its powers of the hopelessness of hell
with the reality of coping with the ultimate adversity
compelling you to extraordinary measures
of black magic, using evil for good ends
and giving up your soul and life and your eternity
to the dark master of impenetrable unfathomability,
the living black hole of existence as a means for carrying on
with insight, knowledge, influence and power
to at all be able to continue with your work.
It is an act of suicidal desperation
to abandon all your self to the demonic darkness of eternity,
but if you are let down by everyone and all things else,
you actually have no alternative.