The Distance

The third of five new pieces I’ve written after a lengthy hiatus. Please feel free to be brutal with the critique. 

 

I watch your pain from a distance
that appears impossible to span.
No wider gap un-bridged as woman and man.
It seems to have grown out of the water,
this green mountain-shaped monster,
to loom above our fragile surface.
I flounder at the bottom of this lake,
unable to see through settled silt
A stone, housing a sword buried to its hilt.
Grasp me and release the blade
with all of the mistakes we made
and I will resurrect, settle on the shore,
be anchor and jib to your wayward sloop,
and we could stay or sail at ease
to rise and fall with ebb or flow and breeze.

© jolen 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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TheRecluse

Well, back on form again Jolen! Some very skilled lines keeping this particular plight of human relationships, for me, the need to find a new way forwards, in your romantic, rustic style, that makes it all even more interesting. The intermittent rhyme does not detract but keeps it all a pleasantly developing to the end. Each line stands alone too, One of the cornerstones of the genre poetry, something I never seem to manage! Lol.
Welcome back to the same high level, Jolen, presented well too! That alone seems to be quite an achievement on here!
Trevor

Kats

My God, what Trevor said and then some, This is why I purchased and so enjoyed ‘Every Girl Has Her Limits’ back in the day. You are a ‘true poet’, the type that merges skilled writing with wonderful naunce of insight. I believe this has already been snapped up?

Kim x

Mikeverdi

I’ve read this several times now, it just gets better.
Mike

Gerry

Jolen, I sometimes have trouble understanding poetry, but I did understand this one and rate it very highly in the scheme of things poetic. Just keep that B/S under control 😉
gerry x.

Sweetwater

Well all I really need to do is add my agreement to all the other comments, as I enjoyed this poem very much. Sue 🙂

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