The Distance
The third of five new pieces I’ve written after a lengthy hiatus. Please feel free to be brutal with the critique.
I watch your pain from a distance
that appears impossible to span.
No wider gap un-bridged as woman and man.
It seems to have grown out of the water,
this green mountain-shaped monster,
to loom above our fragile surface.
I flounder at the bottom of this lake,
unable to see through settled silt
A stone, housing a sword buried to its hilt.
Grasp me and release the blade
with all of the mistakes we made
and I will resurrect, settle on the shore,
be anchor and jib to your wayward sloop,
and we could stay or sail at ease
to rise and fall with ebb or flow and breeze.
© jolen 2023
Views: 2107
Hi Trevor, thank you for being both brave and kind enough to comment on this piece. I don’t often use rhyme with good reason, because I suck at it. So, I was really gun-shy about posting this piece due to it having some in it. I appreciate you taking the time and for your sweet comment. Like I told you, I am less confident these days and hope that in time both my work and my confidence will improve. I am sure you know, or I sure hope you do that I welcome even the harshest critique as it only… Read more »
My God, what Trevor said and then some, This is why I purchased and so enjoyed ‘Every Girl Has Her Limits’ back in the day. You are a ‘true poet’, the type that merges skilled writing with wonderful naunce of insight. I believe this has already been snapped up?
Kim x
*faints* Wow, Kim, thank you so much. I honestly don’t know what to say other than to thank both you and Trevor from the bottom of my heart. No, this isn’t one of the pieces I sent in for consideration. At the time I sent the other two in, this one was still being worked on and I wasn’t sure about it having the rhyme, because I am so unsure of that and my work in general these days. I probably should just shut up now, as I am sure I’m rambling, but thank you for your time, kind words… Read more »
I’ve read this several times now, it just gets better.
Mike
Hello Mike:
Thank you very much for taking the time to read it and for your lovely comment. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
jolen
Jolen, I sometimes have trouble understanding poetry, but I did understand this one and rate it very highly in the scheme of things poetic. Just keep that B/S under control 😉
gerry x.
Hey there, Gerry. Thank you so very much. Do you know that for a minute I was thinking to myself, ‘what does he mean ‘just keep that bullshit under control’? Then I realized, or hope I did, that you mean broomstick! Also, I have to tell you that I’m still so impressed with your time in that Abbey Dash that I’ve been telling everyone about it! I appreciate you stopping by and am looking forward to catching up on more of your work soon.
blessings,
jolen *heading off on a broomstick*
Well all I really need to do is add my agreement to all the other comments, as I enjoyed this poem very much. Sue 🙂
Hello Sue, Thank you so much for taking the time to stop by and leave a lovely comment. I hope this finds you well.
blessings,
jolen