A Message In A Bottle

a poem


A wicker rocker, on my screen porch.

Black coffee, until it is light enough to see

A crossword puzzle.  Blue jays,

As many as five raucous in a big holly.

The runners pop in the dark, and stream by.

Women in pairs, some pushing strollers.

Power walking, Elkins jump-starts his day.

So these specific lives merge, become

A river, as I watch from the bank–

She’s standing alone out on a train platform.

The future.  There’s a lot of life

Yet to go, and grandkids are not our kids.

© slovitt 2023
Views: 3358
critique and comments welcome.
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mitch

A bit staccato at times but a dam’ fine observational short. The punctuation hinders it in places though such as the commas in the first two lines. May I suggest a tweak along the lines below – extending links from juxtapositions can be effective too eg in lines three and four:

A wicker rocker on my screen porch
Black coffee until it is light enough to see
Crosswords puzzled to blue jays:
Five across and raucous in a holly tree.

nemo

A damn fine poem. We put our message in a bottle. A stranger might find it one day. It might be a cry for help, it might be a simple but powerful statement: life is there in front of us, we may sit on our porch and observe; but we want the stranger to know what it’s to be alive, to be essentially lonely with our past still hurting, with un uncertain future on its way. It’s the way we feel and the stranger might be wiser for knowing. I was thrown for a moment by ‘Elkins jump’ but then… Read more »

e-griff

NIce pic of early morning joy. At first I hoped it would be a peaceful solitary scene (love to be there on that porch early morning) until the runners appeared. to spoil it. Get a cabin by a lake!

mikeverdi

Much enjoyed joining you people watching, a game all writers play. “She’s standing alone out on a train platform ” leaving a hint of mystery to play with.
Thanks for posting.
Mike

shywolf

“No man ever steps in the same river twice, for it’s not the same river and he’s not the same man.” – Heraclitus

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