I have tasked myself to create one of these per week. I allow exactly 50 words.
Gus Guller, surveying the possessions of the late Mrs Burford, spotted the genuine Lowery painting. ‘A worthless copy’ he told her naïve nephew, ‘I’ll give you £5 for the frame.’
He went upstairs inspecting,
Gus returned, the nephew handed him the frame.
‘Where’s the picture?’
‘Back garden, on the bonfire.’
The wife went to pick up the prescriptions yesterday. ‘Bring me something for a sandwich,’ I told her.
Back home, she made me a sandwich.
I took one bite and spit it out ‘Good God woman, what’s this?’
‘Crabs paste’ she said, ‘it was on special offer at the chemists.’
A Word of Warning
I saw grumpy old Fred approaching, I can’t stand him, so I crossed the road.
He saw me avoiding him. ‘Dog’ he yelled, his brolly pointing.
‘Pig’ I screamed back at him, brandishing my walking stick.
That was the moment before this Rottweiler sank its fangs into my arse.
The Wigan Treasure Hunt
Participants were handed a clue sheet: “Look for a rook on a dock”. Everybody dashed to Wigan Pier.
‘Found it old George said, pointing to a small statue.
‘That’s a duck on a rock,’ said his Missus.
‘Look at the clue setter’s name.’ said George.
‘WA Spooner? Oh, Clever you.’
A Wash and Brush up
I told the doctor about my haemorrhoids.
‘They itch something awful, doctor.’
‘How are you treating them at present?’ he asked.
‘I scrub them vigorously with a toothbrush.’
‘Not the brush you clean your teeth with, I hope?’
‘Of course not,’ I said, my indignation flaring, ‘I use the wife’s.’
And in a pronto fashion we have ‘Fifty shades of gleeful’- Just like that!
Is the end goal 50 flash fiction stories? Hope so…
Hi, thanks for the kind comment, mate. The idea of the 50 words was an exercise in brevity because I’m a long-winded old scrote. I am putting together a second book of short stories. (A Sting in the Tale Vol 2.) I aim to include these as a filler between stories. Good luck with your antique shop.:-)
Five clever little gems here Pronto
It’s much more difficult than it looks to write a meaningful piece in so few words and get the right balance of humour and irony.
You’ve made it look easy.
Burning a Lowry – that made me wince 🙂
Thanks, Guaj, Glad you enjoyed them. It’s a great exercise in conciseness, and God knows I need it. . Having the Lowery gallery on my doorstep was the inspiration behind that tale.
Brilliant pronto! These made me laugh out loud. A nice change from of the gloom and doom.
Thank you. Sorry I missed your comment the first time around.
Brilliant, Pronto. It’s so difficult to write something meaningful in so few words and you have added wit and humor to them. For the readers, it’s like buy one get two. Well done!
Thank you, I’m so glad you enjoyed them.