I Have Wounded You.

 

 

Thoughtless words are the knives

with many blades, they wound as

they fall from the pen.

Judgement lay unrealised upon

the page. Careless eyes,

blind of understanding had

condemned the innocent.

Apologies lie empty as shells

within the sand, or the pebble

washed away in an icy river’s

flow, which no amends

can stem.

 

 

flow 

© sweetwater 2021
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critique and comments welcome.
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Dodgem

Another gem Sue. Your use of imagery gives great depth to your work. I’d of put the shells upon the sand, but that is just my personal preference.

PilgermannBM

An extremely skilful poem that says much through its imagery. Look forward to one on making amends.

Dodgem

I suppose you could change upon to on – on the fourth line; but then where do you stop? Reminds me of the Father Ted episode with the lottery car, and the slight dent that Ted tried to fix – the result was hilarious! Anyway, its speaks to me as it is.

Griffonner

Ah! A lover of “My Lovely Horse!” 🙂

Griffonner

Sue, I’m with Dodge on this, and must repeat his statement that ‘your use of imagery gives great depth to your work’. I like it very much.

The concept of this is something I have been thinking about in the past few days, and I have an unfinished piece that is waiting the return of my inspiration for it.

Allen x

Bhi

Another great poem from you, Sue. The only little quibble I have with this piece is the mixing of tenses, and there are a couple of lines which could flow better, for example:

“they wound as
they fall from the pen.”

could be:
“wounding as
they fall from the pen.”

and:
“Apologies lie empty as shells
within the sand”

could be:
“Apologies, empty as shells,
litter the sand.”

You could then restructure:
“Judgement lay unrealised upon
the page.”
to:
“Judgement lies unrealised upon
the page.”

Just my thoughts.

bhi

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