Snail

Some irony; as though the poor snail is always to blame for my clumsy foot!


       

                  Snail                                   

       Oh, why does a snail

              have a shell?

       It only serves to tell me,

             when I tread,

       that what was crunched

             is now dead,

       and that is what I dread.

 

                           D G Moody

 

© Dodgem 2021
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critique and comments welcome.
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Ifyouplease

I like it very much, excuse me for playing a bit with rephrasing and other poetic terms, but I think it has potential and you could nail it differently too if you want.

Oh, why does a snail
       has to have a shell
 that only serves to tell me,
       when I, absent-minded, tread,
what is crunched may then be dead,
and this will always be my dread.

Stormwolf

Oh me too! I simply hate it. In fact it upsets my whole day. Most people cannot understand the level of sensitivity that can transpose the mind into the snail. The ordinariness of it doing what a snail does.

Then the brutal murder of a rogue foot!

Extremely well done.
BTW I think you would have been ok to put these three poems , short as they are, under one heading on one page.

‘A Trinity of Thought’ perhaps
Alison x

Ionicus

Hi Dougie, I see that you are experimenting with various styles and in this case, short poems. A lot can be said in few lines. I like this one in preference to the ‘apple’ one where the repetition of words was not, in my opinion, so effective.
You will receive many opinions and suggestions. By all means listen but don’t be over-influenced into changing them; in the final analysis, it is your work.
Best as ever, Luigi.

Sweetwater

Awww, that awful heart stopping crunch, a foot fall of regret. I could shed tears for the life I inadvertently took, matters not that it was a snail, it was a life. Loved the simplicity of this poem, I thought it spoke perfectly. sue.

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