CHANGES

Revised quite a bit, when I first penned this I had been writing quite a bit about loss.  (My story ‘Remembrance’ explains the concept – particularly of the second stanza.)

Through the glass wall I passed.
Unknowing, unfeeling, unseen.
The journey was without event –
Just the soft hormonal plunge
that stole laughter and gave tears.
And the tears that fell were void –
Without reason, without cause,
Yet they full filled my eyes,
Blurred my vision and thoughts,
Wet my trembling hands…
Hands that sought to give myself comfort
By caressing my automaton face.
No-one would understand me.
No-one would provide me solace.
In that place, behind the clear wall,
I was alone. I was lost. Depressed. Pressed.

Through the glass wall I passed.
One moment driving a country road,
The next engulfed in sudden tears.
Where was the road sign that said,
‘Danger: Depression Ahead’?
There was none! There was one
That said, ‘Uneven Road Ahead’
But I took no heed of its warning,
Driving on oblivious to innuendo
Or the subtle double entendre.
No-one would excuse my error.
No-one would give me back
My memory. My sense of self.
My sense of where I belonged.
In that place, behind the clear wall,
I was no longer in control. Possessed.

Through the glass wall I passed,
One moment self conscious,
And the next so self confident
That embarrassment was a thing
Of the past… passed and gone.
In that place, behind the clear wall,
I was given new strength. Revitalised.

Through the glass wall I passed,
and upon the other side
‘Life’ was a new thing to me.
The change was without warning –
As if chemical had been injected
While I slept… and then awakened
to find myself in eternal love.

Oh, Heaven!