Buried leaves Picked
I buried heaps of leaves
Under my cosy bed;
Years later, they turned
A uniform brown,
Those, which were once
Green, yellow and red.
To have a glance
I dug them out and reread;
Left out for long, they appeared
Indecipherable, blurred
Lost their outstanding stance.
Once upon a time
They were also words;
I felt them alive within, afresh.
Dear Supratik, your poems are usually full of interesting ideas expressed in your inimitable style. This seems to diverge from the normal as you try to use rhymes. My problem is not with the rhyming – it follows a set pattern – but the text which contains mixed metaphors that prevent me from fully understanding its meaning. Perhaps I am not reading it properly but that is the impression I get.
Relax Luigi!
Thanks.
This is very clever, when I first read it I was slightly perplexed but having read again just now, I feel I understood what you meant ( at least in my own mind ) I felt it was about old poems, or stories, you had written and stored away, thinking they would become irrelevant overtime, yet they were as fresh as ever.
At least that’s how I saw it, apologies if I had it completely wrong.
But either way, I really enjoyed it. Sue.
Very kind of you Sue. But I agree this was confusing. Changed it to my earlier version. I normally edit a text again and again and get swayed away. This one really got the better of me. See if the changed version makes sense.
Best.
Supratik
I agree it is less confusing, however for me it has lost it’s magic, I enjoyed the first version so much possibly because it was so metaphoric and had hidden meanings. One could see what one wanted to see, not what actually is when clinically set out. Still a good poem all the same. Sue.
To tell you the truth, I kept it intact. I completely agree with your observation. Thank you for your kind words.
Supratik
Hi Supratik! The last stanza is fine and works on its own though the rhyme read/head is pointless and a little naff, to use a word in common parlance. The first stanza, however, has me squirming in agony at “heaves of leaves” which cannot, nay, must be allowed to exist any longer as the word “heaves” cannot and must not be used in this way, even if you think it’s a jokey or witty play on “heaps.” Secondly, mon cher ami, the position of “crown” is ambiguous and the highly discriminating reader knows not whether the leaves are falling from… Read more »
Hello Nemo,
Yes it’s a mistake, I wasn’t careful enough. Good to see you here.
I will edit this soon and repost.
Supratik
Thank you Goth for stopping by. Your latest poems are also worth reading many times.
Keep writing.
Supratik
For this edited version my thanks goes to Luigi and Nemo. However, as Sue also feels, I have kept the earlier version intact, under my cosy bed. Thank you Sue.
Done. Thank you.