Opening parts of “An Everyday Self”

Like the title says this is the opening of a short novel of mine dated 2014; surreal in nature. Enjoy!!


I

 

Tomorrow came as a surprise for Tom; he wasn’t used to surprises. It didn’t matter if it was on a Tuesday or Wednesday, surprises were always surprising. Remotely surprising was Tom’s reaction; it always followed the same pattern. He stopped for a while, examined his presence and in an instant borrowed some milk from his neighbour with whom he was friends.

 

Dear Margaret, he would say. Can I borrow some milk from you? It was as simple as that. Margaret had been married once but her husband left her for another…man which was more than society could take; hence a sudden move to Asia somewhere where there were no beaches; only peaches to spare. A wiser economy perhaps but Margaret and Tom were good neighbours.

 

Their friendship had developed over the years to include more than what was normally the case with neighbours. If Tom had a problem with a shirt he could always consult Margaret and if Margaret ever wore a skirt, which was never the case, then in theory she could consult Tom.

 

When Tom was at his best he was not surprised which may come as some surprise, given the fact that he kept his nose in a jar most of the time, while the rest of the time passed like snowflakes falling upwards and not downwards which was normal for snowflakes that fell.

© Omecronon12 2019
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critique and comments welcome.

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Guajiros
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Yes it’s rather surreal, but these days I kind of feel the same way. Certainly very little surprises me anymore. I sort of relate to this, it’s good.

Thanks for surprising me.

Featheredwing
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I always like to come in at the beginning of a story. This sounds like it could be intriguing.

Featheredwing.

Ifyouplease
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keep his nose in a jar… hmm

is he perhaps nothing but the imaginary friend of Margaret? her world was rocked and reversed (snowflakes that go up) because her husband left her for another man. ‘society’ may be Margaret’s psychological condition.

in theory she could consult Tom. in theory. another hmm, and she doesn’t wear skirts. maybe Margaret is Tom. In which case it was Tom’s wife that left him for another .. woman.
what a weird little story you weaved here. quite fascinating I must say. one can see it in various ways.

looking forward to the next installment

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Misuse of semicolons. Usually a period would suffice. Unless you are writing something like “I loved to leave the shuttle and set foot on a new planet; however, this planet was a living hell.” Or if you have to highly related clauses.

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“When Tom was at his best he was not surprised which may come as some surprise, given the fact that he kept his nose in a jar most of the time, while the rest of the time passed like snowflakes falling upwards and not downwards which was normal for snowflakes that fell.”

Makes no sense to an English speaking person.

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