Nepalese Whispers …

Fragments make up what?


 

 

Behold those pettiful eyes

Peering down the isles

 

A maiden or not a maiden

From stony monkey hillslopes

A temple is grown

Off ruined quarters …

© Omecronon12 2019
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critique and comments welcome.

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Ifyouplease
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if i got it right, this is excellent.

Stormwolf
Member

Hello there Fred, I was wondering about the use of the word ‘pettiful’ I see it is an amalgamation of two words so nice and unusual. Never heard it before. It has meaning here as one sees the women probably eyeing the bride in this way. I don’t imagine there are many virgins making their way down the isle these days. Old traditions die hard and such judgement will probably become extinct with what is left of that generation. I really liked the analogy of the last verse and the truth in it too. It is descriptive and very individual… Read more »

Supratik
Member

Hello Fred, This is excellent… could have been a senryu. I like your economy of words, pettiful is a striking Neology. I admire your rhyming talent. I love writers who are honest and sincere. Would like to know how many times you wrote to get the final version. While we talk of Chinese whispers, a game normally played by women and girls (I don’t want to hurt anyone, sorry if I sound sexist), you have so cleverly changed the adjective to Nepalese. A ten on ten from me.
Cheers!
Supratik

Alfie_Shoyger
Member

I assume this is about the Monkey Temple in Kathmandu. I remember this place well.

“Hashish to hashish, monk to monkey…”

Actually I remember lots of statues of the Buddha. I don’t remember seeing any maidens.

By “pettiful”, do you mean “pitying”?

By “isles”, I’m quite certain you mean “aisles”.

Guajiros
Member

You seem to have a gift for saying a lot in a few words. I don’t know why,but this reminded me of the ruined city in Thailand, near the Myanmar, I visited many years ago. Peaceful place, but no monkey, unless you include the (few) tourists

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