Nepalese Whispers …
Fragments make up what?
Behold those pettiful eyes
Peering down the isles
A maiden or not a maiden
From stony monkey hillslopes
A temple is grown
Off ruined quarters …
© Omecronon12 2023
Views: 1469
Fragments make up what?
Behold those pettiful eyes
Peering down the isles
A maiden or not a maiden
From stony monkey hillslopes
A temple is grown
Off ruined quarters …
if i got it right, this is excellent.
Thank you very much. I had a “Did I write this” kind of feeling and I probably did get something right. Thanks!!
Hello there Fred, I was wondering about the use of the word ‘pettiful’ I see it is an amalgamation of two words so nice and unusual. Never heard it before. It has meaning here as one sees the women probably eyeing the bride in this way. I don’t imagine there are many virgins making their way down the isle these days. Old traditions die hard and such judgement will probably become extinct with what is left of that generation. I really liked the analogy of the last verse and the truth in it too. It is descriptive and very individual… Read more »
Thank you!! Much appreciated and needed. Amalgamation is probably better than Neology (my stupidity for sure).. The economy with words is what made me wonder if I was on to somethiong and yes … it seems valid. Wether or not it is of any use is another question…:).
Hello Fred, This is excellent… could have been a senryu. I like your economy of words, pettiful is a striking Neology. I admire your rhyming talent. I love writers who are honest and sincere. Would like to know how many times you wrote to get the final version. While we talk of Chinese whispers, a game normally played by women and girls (I don’t want to hurt anyone, sorry if I sound sexist), you have so cleverly changed the adjective to Nepalese. A ten on ten from me.
Cheers!
Supratik
Very grateful for that comment of yours. Honestly, this is one of those pieces that I wrote down in, say, 30 seconds, and as far as I can remember I didn’t change a thing. I do remember having a question after the write like “What have I actually done here?”. I don’t know how many of you can relate to that but things like that can happen to me at least; hence the posting of the piece.
Thank you very much!!
I assume this is about the Monkey Temple in Kathmandu. I remember this place well.
“Hashish to hashish, monk to monkey…”
Actually I remember lots of statues of the Buddha. I don’t remember seeing any maidens.
By “pettiful”, do you mean “pitying”?
By “isles”, I’m quite certain you mean “aisles”.
Right about the monkey temple as far as my using it as an image here. As for “pettiful” it is a deliberate toying with words. As for isles it’s part deliberate and part mistake I suppose (no mistake I regret though)…:)
I’ve PM:ed you earlier on another note and I apologise for any words spelled in capital letters.
Thank you very much!!
You seem to have a gift for saying a lot in a few words. I don’t know why,but this reminded me of the ruined city in Thailand, near the Myanmar, I visited many years ago. Peaceful place, but no monkey, unless you include the (few) tourists