Grand Day Out

 Written to the tanka format.

 
Jack backed outsiders.
If they won, he `tret’ the wife.
A surprise weekend
honeymoon break in Filey
was ‘right up Brenda’s alley’.
 
His outsider fell.
Jack’s medals went to `uncle’.  
A day trip made do,
haddock and chips on the beach,  
“Sand betters ‘taste. I tell you.”
 
A sullen coach home.
Her eyes bored through the window.
He promised a treat,
she set her heart on high tea,
silver service with buttered scones.
 
Jack groped for words,
wanting back in her good books,
`Bugger me! Women!
I’ll never understand ‘em’.
“Got any goodies there, Bren?” 
 
Disappointment etched
on stoic crumpled faces,
‘Is this what life is?
A dull, slow, pain-filled fading?’
She fished for a Murraymint.
 
 

 

© coolhermit 2020
Views: 1108
critique and comments welcome.
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Albermund

Hmm… A grand day out that tanked. Probably good fun to work within the restrictions but for me there’s to many bits i can’t fathom. Honeymoon? How do you get back in her good books by asking if she has any goodies? Did you mean she’d set her heart? I think i must be a bit pissed off with life at the moment, ch, so please bear with me. Cheers albert

Albermund

It’s a bugger when some Dumbo comes along and you feel obliged to have to try and explain your hard graft. Whilst my ears are still pretty floppy i thank you very much for taking the time to try untangling my trunk. Cheers albert 😉

Mitch

Excellent. You can park your tankas on my lawn anyday!

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