Grand Day Out
Written to the tanka format.
Jack backed outsiders.
If they won, he `tret’ the wife.
A surprise weekend
honeymoon break in Filey
was ‘right up Brenda’s alley’.
His outsider fell.
Jack’s medals went to `uncle’.
A day trip made do,
haddock and chips on the beach,
“Sand betters ‘taste. I tell you.”
A sullen coach home.
Her eyes bored through the window.
He promised a treat,
she set her heart on high tea,
silver service with buttered scones.
Jack groped for words,
wanting back in her good books,
`Bugger me! Women!
I’ll never understand ‘em’.
“Got any goodies there, Bren?”
“Got any goodies there, Bren?”
Disappointment etched
on stoic crumpled faces,
‘Is this what life is?
A dull, slow, pain-filled fading?’
She fished for a Murraymint.
Hmm… A grand day out that tanked. Probably good fun to work within the restrictions but for me there’s to many bits i can’t fathom. Honeymoon? How do you get back in her good books by asking if she has any goodies? Did you mean she’d set her heart? I think i must be a bit pissed off with life at the moment, ch, so please bear with me. Cheers albert
Now, Albert I’m going to spoil the pome by explication. He wanted to win her a weekend honeymoon – a failed romantic gesture the nag fell. You don’t get in the good books by asking for goodies – that is the whole point – Jack is inarticulate and dealing with emotional matters, (the province of women – in his estimation) he has no idea how / why she is so ungrateful and wanted to break the ice by hinting at happier times when they shared a bag. I originally used ‘she’d set’ but ‘she set’ feels sleeker – it’s just… Read more »
It’s a bugger when some Dumbo comes along and you feel obliged to have to try and explain your hard graft. Whilst my ears are still pretty floppy i thank you very much for taking the time to try untangling my trunk. Cheers albert 😉
No worries 🙂 I was on a bus from Brid and saw the backs of the heads of an old couple – they looked so…. sorta nothing really. never spoke the whole journey… and I wondered who, what when and why? I love Dumbo – floppy eared but he could fly 🙂 rick.
Excellent. You can park your tankas on my lawn anyday!
You ain’t the first bucko to make that offer 🙂