In softly silvered moonlight
when all but time, lies still
she feels the weight of wanting
fold deep within the night.
As certain as a rippled rill
erodes the fallen years,
ardent burns a heart aflame
as onward flow the tears.
Onward too, abides the love
that constant rides unknown,
to circle round upon itself
and hold the seeds unsown.
© sweetwater 2023
I’ve enjoyed this piece, but couldn’t help reading the first two lines as changed places, it kept the rhyme in sequence for me, but that’s just me…Tony
Hi Tony, I tried to mentally swop those two lines but to me it didn’t really fit, but I will give it another think, all suggestions are welcome,thank you. Sue 🙂 Oops sorry wrong box for reply, but it won’t let me delete it all.
The first two lines of this beautiful poem I loved. I mean the rest is great, wouldn’t have stopped by to tell you if I didn’t think that, but those first two lines and especially ‘softly silvered moonlight’. That is just what moonlight is. There is a sad feeling about the whole poem but that is no bad thing. Sometimes it is good to read about sad.
Lovely poem which I enjoyed reading very much. Thank you
Thank you Chrissy, that’s so kind of you. I was thinking about the loneliness of an unrequited love which has travelled the years with her and she knows will continue with her forever, with no hope of fulfilment. It’s an old one as I still cannot find the heart to write again yet. Sue.
Captured it perfectly
Huge apologies Alison, I have only just found your comment.
Thank you very much I appreciate your kind words. Sue xx
oh I liked it very very much especially the ending.
but I feel that you don’t need ‘the night’
fold deep within.
Thank you, I’m pleased you liked it.
I have repeated the the first verse several times stopping at fold deep within but to me it ends too abruptly and doesn’t flow. But I will have another look at it. sue 🙂
allow me to pm an idea of mine. thank you too!
Hi, I tried to read your message but there is a wide strip all down the left side with members names on it covering the majority of your massage and I can’t remove it to read what you have written. Can you put it on here as I am interested in your thoughts. Many thanks Sue.
In softly silvered moonlight,
when all but time lies still,
the weight of wanting more
she feels, folds deep within.
It would work but it’s not saying what I meant, if you get me.
I wasn’t implying she wanted more and it folded within her, it was the weight of just wanting him became stronger, it folded deeper into the night itself as the long lonely hours wore on. A love she would never know with him.
I’m grateful you took such an interest and kindly offered a helpful alternative, I will look at it again. sue x.
thank you very very much for your reply
x Nic x