Just The Ashes.
Oh hush those bells
let none be heard about
my walls this eve,
cloak their tone
and tie their tongue,
all joy I faint receive.
Black veil those stars at
Christmas tide, pull
darkness to my path
for time burned short
upon your day,
and ashes line this hearth.
© sweetwater 2023
Views: 1694
Hi Sue,
a very sad ,but apt rendition ,expressing deep feelings.Thank you for sharing
Peter xxx
Thank you Peter, I’m hoping Christmas will forgive me for not taking part this year. Sue. Xx
I find this incredibly effective. The shorter sentences really convey a feeling of sadness that’s almost too deep for words. Beautifully done, Sue.
Gee
Thank you so much Gee, I am finding it very difficult right now but it does help to write. I deeply appreciate you nominating this poem thank you, it was very kind of you and totally unexpected. Sue xx
Just have to break my ‘stay off main site submissions’ rule to let you know how well conceived and accomplished your poem is. Love the rhyming pattern you chose to use and the gentile kind of language employed. Both add so much to the poignancy and effectiveness of this piece. Your last line is absolutely heart stopping and a very powerful resolution. Like the three lined verse structure of this, too. Do you think it might work better if your lines were less spaced out, closer, though? Believe you need an ‘s’ on that collective tongue reference, too, and perhaps… Read more »
Thank you Belcanto, I deeply appreciate your very kind thoughts on my poem, I am amazed and so pleased it had such an impact on you. I was simply trying to explain and release some of the pain slowly beating me down. I don’t seem to have any way of finely adjusting the line spacings, I think it could be my iPad as it’s possibly past it’s sell by date and won’t accept updates to modernise it. I didn’t add an ‘s’ to tongue because although the tongue’s are collective I was thinking along the lines that each was also… Read more »
Oh, my comment DID post! 🙂 The line spacing is easily adjusted on your submissions page, Sue. Perhaps you’ve never used any of the editing tools there? The character/small icon for single line spacing is on the bottom line of, I think, four and is the second one from the left. It’s just the number 1. 🙂 If you hover over any of these editing characters you’ll find out what each does. Highlight your text and hit that 1 and your poem should single space. Do it verse by verse if you like. I never mentioned how lyrical this piece… Read more »
And where’s the person who selects the picks?
Last year I did exactly as you have suggest regarding the icons but on another poetry site, and it completely messed everything up, I have to jump through hoops just to submit a poem now and no matter what I do I can’t change it, which is why I think it’s my iPad. But now you have explained things I may be able to sort it out. You are perfectly correct about the meaning in this poem. It’s a loss I just cannot come to terms with and I am finding each day a real fight to get through. Your… Read more »