Just The Ashes.

 


Oh hush those bells

let none be heard about

my walls this eve,

 

cloak their tone

and tie their tongue,

all joy I faint receive.

 

Black veil those stars at

Christmas tide, pull

darkness to my path

 

 

for time burned short

upon your day,

and ashes line this hearth.

© sweetwater 2020
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critique and comments welcome.
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Pommer

Hi Sue,
a very sad ,but apt rendition ,expressing deep feelings.Thank you for sharing
Peter xxx

Gee

I find this incredibly effective. The shorter sentences really convey a feeling of sadness that’s almost too deep for words. Beautifully done, Sue.
Gee

Belcanto

Just have to break my ‘stay off main site submissions’ rule to let you know how well conceived and accomplished your poem is. Love the rhyming pattern you chose to use and the gentile kind of language employed. Both add so much to the poignancy and effectiveness of this piece. Your last line is absolutely heart stopping and a very powerful resolution. Like the three lined verse structure of this, too. Do you think it might work better if your lines were less spaced out, closer, though? Believe you need an ‘s’ on that collective tongue reference, too, and perhaps… Read more »

Belcanto

Oh, my comment DID post! 🙂 The line spacing is easily adjusted on your submissions page, Sue. Perhaps you’ve never used any of the editing tools there? The character/small icon for single line spacing is on the bottom line of, I think, four and is the second one from the left. It’s just the number 1. 🙂 If you hover over any of these editing characters you’ll find out what each does. Highlight your text and hit that 1 and your poem should single space. Do it verse by verse if you like. I never mentioned how lyrical this piece… Read more »

Belcanto

And where’s the person who selects the picks?

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