saw a post by nemo to the effect of POST something (not me, anyone, everyone), if not new, something.
Girls sipping wine, dark sky inhaling
Light, the doors to the deck open
So we can hear the crashing surf.
A beach house, the Gulf of Mexico.
Then, Peggy, Rebecca’s roommate
From college, just divorced, visiting…
Pulls out a picture of her
Daughter, Lauren, to share. I relax,
Am empty, and the girl is lovely.
I may seem to wander, but say
A Zen master recognized success
As a teacher only if his charge
Surpassed him. Congratulations,
For though you are still a handsome
Woman, this daughter you love
Is beautiful, and has left you behind.
© slovitt 2023
well-written as always. i disagree with the manners here… backspaced a tiny wall of text. congratulations you said, either intentionally or unintentionally sounds like a sly verbal attack of a smart person to someone the smart person considers dumb. oops the tiny wall a tiny part of it just appeared! just letting you know how i saw this “politic”
Dear N, thanks for reading, and commenting. the greatest gift a child can give parents is to surpass them, and so i’m congratulating Peggy on her and Lauren’s triumph, Lauren having left her behind in beauty, perhaps achievement also. this doesn’t have any effect on the love of a child for parent, and vice versa, in fact it strengthens it. there is no attack, if you understand.
that’s a huge subject …greatest gifts etc children and parents, surpassing etc. but okay as you wish… i will go now…
I thought this more prose than poetry however it was interesting, I have a somewhat similar reaction to Ifyouplease but not for the same reason, I felt that the last four lines are terribly rude and very insulting to the mother, there is absolutely no actuall achievement in a child becoming more attractive than her mother as she grows into a young woman this is natural and totally irrelevant, and wouldn’t affect their love for each other. There was no triumph to be congratulated whatsoever. If all proud parents showing a friend a family photo were subject to such a… Read more »
no apologies necessary. you have simply understood the poem in your own way, not in line with my intentions, but okay and in line with the way people individually process the world. Swep
the same reason, i backspaced, that’s exactly what I was going to say, indeed there was no triumph that’s why it sounded ironic to say congratulations, it’s a strong poem very good for seeing the many differences everywhere and in everything….. usually all meant well.
maybe i’m evolving. my inclination for a lifetime has been to strive for communication, as clearly as possible. to explain until the reader understood. and so i’ve started down that road again. i turn here. thanks
most of us here are here because we really want to communicate and interact with each other and share ideas opinions etc and most of us – certainly me- explain until the reader at least understood that at least we tried to explain.
i turn here is like you turn left -or right- that’s your road did i get it right? you’re welcome
and thank you too
My dear Greek, i started to explain, and in deference to you will start again. Jeremy’s first wife was a Japanese artist who posited that children have to kill their parents to break free and start afresh. not literally. i would suggest that of course that’s true, but then i’ve predisposed my point of view. so, take a step back and put aside your being affronted on the part of Peggy, and examine the comment. it’s the kind of remark i would have found pleasing had it been directed toward me on the part of Erin, or Jeremy, or Swep.… Read more »
it seems i was psychically correct when I, initially, to your I turn here i wanted to simply use one of your poems with the japanese and the two kinds of people… i am not surprised too much. hmm so there is a Japanese element here indeed that’s an interesting opinion one that i must partly agree with, i call it de-poulakidasation αποπουλακιδοποίηση, to shed all the family parasitical characteristics to find out who you really are, and not only, any karmic connections with mother/father figures. stopping the lineage. abandoning your parents. not eager to proliferate the gene pool. Christ… Read more »
you have the intellectual balance of a mountain goat, so don’t worry about cliffs.
that’s interesting, me and my parents had created a zen school for amateurs… we called it THE GOAT’S EYE. all you had to do was stare into the eye – left or right -of a goat for half a day. then answer a question. hehehehehehehe
no dear-swep, you *points the finger* take the ego of the perceived benign remark to Peggy out of it, there is something fishy about it. you see it as innocuous and at least two people here tell you they saw it as some sort of verbal attack/insult etc. we – at least me – actually tried and will continue to try and justify your right to see it that way, because you probably mean well. we know you here you’re a good poetic soul, surely you didn’t want to attack your friend or your readers, intellectually challenge maybe and when… Read more »
the abandoned school on the hill, one time a year the windows on fire. you wrote a number of interesting poems, whether there are traces now or not.
no fire, you mean The School (fastest cherry i got on abctales) an Ezine still has it available Tryst it is called with a horrible bio and photo of mine 2003 i think the sun played chess with the broken windows. why do you remember fire? hmm
“fishy”, “innocuous”, are descriptions, not essences, shelagh had a similar problem several years ago when i posted this at DA. “stare into the eye of a goat for half-a-day” becomes you.