Not Worth the risk.
An early experiment from me, originally published in 2004, under Fiction heading. or should that have been nonfiction?
I think it works without quotation marks…
It is hard to imagine why you commit these offences, what is it that is wrong with you? Surely you have everything you could possibly want, your every wish and desire is catered for. I just cannot understand you at all. You have had numerous chances, and yet you still keep offending. You leave me no alternative this time you will serve 90 years, take him away.
I object my Lord, I know my client has committed an unforgivable string of offences, but 90 years, how can anybody survive that?
He should have thought about that, he has been warned and given every chance to reform, maybe when he gets back he will see the error of his ways.
But 90 years my Lord, I plead for mercy.
Take him away.
My lord I appear for the defendant, the charge of course is not showing you due respect. He does plead guilty, and promises to try to give you the respect you deserve in future.
How many times has he previously been up before me on this charge?
Eight times my Lord.
Has he been warned of the dire consequence on each occasion?
He has my Lord.
Have you anything to say before I pass sentence.
Yes my Lord I am truly sorry, I just get carried away and forget that you are responsible for everything. I will try to give you due respect from now on.
You should have thought of that before, you will serve six years.
Please my Lord not at that place, I will do anything, I will be better in future, please sir not six years at that place.
Take him away.
There was much sorrow and crying, as those sentenced were led to the biogenetic transporter. The prisoners had been sentenced to various terms, from one year for very minor offences, to 90 years for the most serious offences.
Some were relatively happy at the mercy shown and short sentence given. Others were in complete despair. They knew there was nothing to be done, no way back. When the sentence was passed, it had to be served in full, there was to be no remission.
The biggest punishment of course was that when they arrived to serve their respective sentences, none of them would have any recollections of why they were there, or indeed where they had come from.
They would in effect serve their sentence, in a pre-determined location and situation, and any sentence over ten years would be carefully monitored. Their individual behaviour would determine their level of re-entry.
They had of course plenty of time to worry about their respective futures on the way to the bio-genetic transporter unit.
When the offenders arrived at the transporter, they were individually connected to their pre-programmed locations, and then the bio-genetic technician activated the machine.
Only two words flashed up on the red plasma screen to show that the transporter had activated correctly – Earth Bound.
© Gerald Finlay, 2004, All Rights Reserved
No need for quotation marks? I’ll have to think about that. I find it an interesting idea to consider whether, if you have literally no memory of an offence at all, you are reality the same person who committed it? Should it be taken into consideration at all? In such a distant and technologically advanced society wouldn’t they have something more effective to prevent anti-social behaviour than 17th and 18th century deportation? I think the bio-whatsit would be a machine that simply readjusted a few neural connections and you would waken up a model citizen. I know you like the… Read more »
Thanks for reading David and for pointing out my errors, My PC is always letting me down 😉
I know there may be a million ways this could be pulled to pieces – like most of my works i suppose;
It was only meant to be a bit of fun written many years ago – I wont’ be altering anything now.
I will smack my pooter though and correct the mistakes.
Is this Sirat guy for real?
Hi Goth, It did well when first published so I just left it as it was written. Folks seem to be far more pedantc these days – I am feeeling very deflated 😉 C’est la vie…
Yes I know Goth words don’t bother me 😉 I have just cut my lawn, and now I am going to try to PM you again…
Nice twist at the end, and you are right, no quotation marks were needed.
Thank you Hoody – you have made me feel better 😉
I like the way you have not used quotation marks, as they were not needed. I assume this is to emphasise that the narration is of an outer-worldly perspective. The lord could be God or the Devil. The place of the court hearing, in Heaven or Hell. I also notice that you have used commas when in our mortal world full stops would be used. Another reminder of the milieu we are in. These run-on sentences are great for the idea of the story. I assume the biogenetic data demonstrates that the lord keeps every soul’s unique identity with their… Read more »
Tom, You are very astute and obervant – I wouldn’t put a time on this but clearly it was a time when Earth didn’t seem to be too attractive, and you picked up on that. I made no attempt to conform to English as we know it – indeed why should I have done.. It was just an experiment and I feel much better about it now. I very nearly took it down 😉
Take it down! No way. Where would we be without experimentation. We’d have no James Joyce’s Ulysses and his stream of consciousness. And so on, etcetera, etcetera, ad infinitum. The problem is on this site, that certain people write ill-informed comments that erroneously put writers down. You have to never take comments to heart. Most of the constructive criticism on this site is laughable. For instance someone wrote, regarding this story: “I know you like the ending, the [sic] notion that Earth is a vile place that people get deported to, but to be honest the idea of a devastated… Read more »
Tom, Thank you for your extra comment. There are some folk on this site who can be a bit tedious. I often think of that famous quote “There is no greater passion than the passion to alter someone else’s work” HG Wells.
Sometimes we have to have thick skins. Also I have noticed that sometimes there are glaring gaps in the armour of critics. 😉
Crocodiles have thick skin, but don’t they cry huge tears?
Can’t wait for your next Science Fiction story!
I agree with Goth. I, too, spotted the ending due to the way you wrote it. Having said that I thoroughly enjoyed the read. The bastard I hated was this God/devil that demanded respect from all, seemingly without question. Egotistical bugger!
Keep writing this stuff mate. 😀
Pronto, well done – you are pretty near to my original thoughts on this. Earth is the better place. The guys being sent back are just as an example to keep things under control by fear – its all a clever ploy. I think its a place I would want to avoid. Earth seems pretty good to me. Don’t let it worry you 😉