Inspired by a published sonnet
My writers’ group did a session on published sonnets and we were encouraged to write our own. Having recently lost my husband, I was very struck by the Milton sonnet on the topic On her departed husband
with acknowledgement to John Milton
I thought you came to me on the heels of the night
Between the times of sleeping and waking,
At the pearl-grey hour between dark and light;
And in that lacuna you, forsaking
All else, appeared by my side once more.
That look: merry brown eyes, moustache of grey,
Quiet smile: a touch on my arm to say,
‘Look, it’s all so much better than before,
And see the new cross and chain they gave me.’
And I looked: the old design but so much more,
Silver and brown, much finer tracery.
‘You didn’t go after all!’ Struck to the core,
I started towards you, my arms outstretched.
You go, I wake, back to my lacuna fetched.
So sorry to hear of your loss, Not an easy piece to write I should think – but you did it with style. (lacuna) – I must admit i had to look that up) 😉
gerry x.
Thank you for the lovely comment, Gerry. The poem was based on a dream I had shortly after the loss. I didn’t know the word ‘lacuna’ either until I read a novel of that title by Barbara Kingsolver, about the Mexican artist Frieda Kahlo and Trotsky’s escape to Mexico. A useful word! ,
I’m not sure this is technically a sonnet. But it doesn’t matter, it’s a good poem.
That is very kind of you, Griff. You might be right, might not be a sonnet. Still confused about these despite best efforts of my writers’ group poetry guru to educate me! So Petrrach had one style, called the Italian version., Wyatt translated and introduced them to England, and Shakespeare did his own version which we call the English sonnet.. Then Milton went back to the Italian sonnet (that’s how I understand it anyway) Maybe the best model is Shelley? e g Ozymandias? I had another couple of goes on animal topics, might post them and see what you think
Very much enjoyed the read. There are some words I think unnecessary, but that’s just me. As to sonnets, I know nothing….just what I like. And I like this.
Mike
Yes, I checked on myself. Milton wrote petrarchian sonnets, rhyming ABBA, whereas yours has shakespearian ABAB rhyming. Doesn’t matter, just call it a shanechy sonnet!
To my mind this is not a sonnet and coincidentally there was a conversation much along these lines recently on the site; it’s here if you have time to take a look: https://ukauthors.com/2017/04/17/sod-it-sonnet/ As well as one of the standard rhyming patterns (Shakespearean or Petrarchan) the rhythm is also important – iambic pentameter which is short-long x 5 (or – / – / – / – / – / ). You have rhyme here but not the rhythm. Like Gothicman I feel that this might have been better let loose into free verse because the content is powerful. Thanks for… Read more »