Death and Aunt Maude.

Comments are welcome on this post, but I am asking for no crit please.
There is no poetic perfection here and this poem could be pulled to pieces by you pedants.

“At the door of the cottage a vision so fair,
Stood a naked lady with long flowing hair.”


Contrary to what they say –
I haven’t really passed away,
My breathing stopped I know that’s true,
And they didn’t know just what to do.
The EEG thing showed no trace.
There was a deathly look upon my face.
Electric shocks? They gave me four,
They made me jump but nothing more.
And then at last they realised –
I was no more, I had demised.

No bright lights or heavenly choir,
No smell of brimstone or raging fire.
But as I looked down I could clearly see,
They had pulled a white sheet over me.
I saw Aunt Maude and Uncle Fred
Standing stiffly by my bed,
There were some tears, Fred’s eyes were wet,
But none from Maude – at least not yet?

And then I started to drift away,
I knew for sure I couldn’t stay,
I was so glad now, that I had believed
On that score I was sure relieved,
I knew if there was anything there
Surely I had earned a share.
So I ventured forth with head held high,
Not knowing when or where or why,
I had tried my best along lifes grind,
And just hoped that my judges were feeling kind.

After a while as if out of a dream
The most amazing sight that could ever have been,
A lovely cottage and crystal pool I could see
Suddenly appearing in front of me.
At the door of the cottage a vision so fair,
Stood a naked lady with long flowing hair,
I had seen nothing to match her beauty before,
As I cautiously made my way to the door.

Her nakedness just didn’t seem wrong,
Such beauty you just shouldn’t hide,
Then she spoke to me in a silken voice,
‘You should see my friends inside’!

Through the perfumed garden and birdsong path
I slowly made my way.
I would find out now, if I was destined for hell –
For I would be surely turned away.
I knew this was heaven as I went through the door
Four more gorgeous ladies – as naked as before
It was hard to believe, but I’d make a sure bet
That these girls were better than the one I first met.
No, that’s not right, there just different you see,
All perfect, all lovely, and all are for me.

I knew I’d been good, But reward such as this?
My goodness, my goodness, what joy oh what bliss!

After hours and hours of endless delight,
A tinkling bell brought me back from the night
Then naked through the gardens – without any care
And down to the pool, and bath-time to share.
A breakfast of fruit then caressed in the sun,
Oh wonder of wonder this is paradise come.

And then sometime later the first lady I saw,
Waved me towards her as she stood by the door
She looked rather sad, with something not right
As I slowly approached her magnificent sight.
‘There has been a mistake, I’m afraid you can’t stay
You have got here too early it seems,
The boss has just told me you have to go back,
Please remember us in your dreams’.
‘I don’t want to go back,
I just love it here,
This is where I must be,’
‘Well I’m sorry my friend we love you too,
But I’m afraid it’s not up to me.’

With much sadness and sorrow we said our goodbyes
It was breaking my heart to leave,
But reluctantly I reversed my steps
I would have a long-time now to grieve.

Maybe this is what hell is about,
And I had possibly got it all wrong,
I hadn’t been good enough at all
Had they had just been stringing me along?

Then I heard a voice in the distance,
‘Welcome back, welcome back’ and a smile,
‘My goodness you gave us a fright my friend
We had lost you there for a while.’

I am tormented now with my journey
Why didn’t they just let me stay?
But I know without doubt in the back of my mind
I shall return to my cottage one day.
And I know my ladies will be waiting for me
With the same longing I’m having now,
So dry your tears now dear Uncle Fred,
And Aunt Maude – ‘sod off you old cow’…

 

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skytrucker

Just brilliant. I don’t usually comment on poetry mainly because I frequently don’t understand it but this was just superb!

ionicus

A near-death experience neatly described with good rhyming, Gerry. You have asked for comments and this is mine: I truly enjoyed the poem.
One’s writing style is a matter of preference. I would never tell anyone how to compose a particular piece; I can only say whether it is good, bad or indifferent or to point out that personally I would tackle it differently.
I believe that to be a constructive criticism but In the end the author’s decision is paramount.
Best wishes from one octogenarian to another.

mikeverdi

Loved the irreverent tone and laught out loud.
Mike

sweetwater

I read this with interest and a smile while wondering if there is a male welcoming committee for the ladies. 😉