This was a challenge word a while back and, as ever, my muse decided to do her own thing, too late of course, but perhaps worth posting anyway.
Reaching out … tentatively.
Enervated soul, dripping tears,
Learning, slowly, how to
Unlearn a lifetime’s pain.
Childhood’s lengthy shadow
Twists endless black ribbons of
Now, understanding forges
Chains fettering me to
© Elfstone 27/2/17
© Elfstone 2023
I want to like this, it’s clearly good writing. There is a but…and I don’t know what it is. I’m going to come back and comment again.
Ooooh … suspense! Thanks for reading Mike and for saying that “it’s clearly good writing”. Elfstone
I think to ‘feel’ the essence of this poem one must have endured some emotional trauma or experienced life at its worst. Those things help (I am assured) to make us better writers but by comparison my life has been relatively tranquil and so this writing, despite its quality does not quite work for me. Perhaps a clue as to the origin of the ‘angst’ might help.
Ah, I suspect you’re right Kipper; people with happy lives probably see/read things differently. I have a feeling that anyone who had any kind of difficult childhood (with the attendant lifelong problems) would be able to read something into this. I’m grateful to you for leaving a comment and chuffed that you think it has quality. Elfstone
Okay, I’ve had the opertunity to read this a couple of more times. I think it needs more. I get the pain and see it on the page, but I don’t feel it as I think you would want. There is so much hiding in this poem that needs to be brought out. This is just me, I’m sure others will have different feelings.
Mike thank you so much for coming back to leave another comment. 🙂
“There is so much hiding in this poem …” wow! – isn’t there just! The trouble is that I’m not sure that it is ready to be put more plainly and I’m not sure how I would alter this poem anyway, given that it is an acrostic. Mike, I’m grateful. Elfstone
Good lord!!!! how is it that I didn’t see? I had to copy & paste quickly and in bits because of where I was working, but honestly! You know how it is with proof reading …..
Thanks for pointing that out Gothicman; edited to include my tears …