Reluctance

This was a challenge word a while back and, as ever, my muse decided to do her own thing, too late of course, but perhaps worth posting anyway.


Reluctance

Reaching out … tentatively.

Enervated soul, dripping tears,

Learning, slowly, how to

Unlearn a lifetime’s pain.

Childhood’s lengthy shadow

Twists endless black ribbons of

Anguished self-condemnation.

Now, understanding forges

Chains fettering me to

Eternal regret.

© Elfstone 27/2/17

© Elfstone 2020
Views: 2740
critique and comments welcome.
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Mikeverdi

I want to like this, it’s clearly good writing. There is a but…and I don’t know what it is. I’m going to come back and comment again.
Mike

Kipper

I think to ‘feel’ the essence of this poem one must have endured some emotional trauma or experienced life at its worst. Those things help (I am assured) to make us better writers but by comparison my life has been relatively tranquil and so this writing, despite its quality does not quite work for me. Perhaps a clue as to the origin of the ‘angst’ might help.
Michael

Mikeverdi

Okay, I’ve had the opertunity to read this a couple of more times. I think it needs more. I get the pain and see it on the page, but I don’t feel it as I think you would want. There is so much hiding in this poem that needs to be brought out. This is just me, I’m sure others will have different feelings.
Mike X

TheRecluse

Another well-written emotionally-driven poem, Elfstone. Would prefer a better layout, but, each to their own! (Think you’ve missed out the second line?)

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