Other Paths.

I was listening to a song on the radio and one of the lines caught my attention, and this stemmed from there.


Pain stalked the 



yet far more does the

knife wound the mind

in closing my door

to you.


What’s left is breathing

low, an attempt at non


You’re walking the ways

my heart cannot



Your direction is against

the winds, I can follow

no longer.


But still you call

to me….


And follow

I must.

© sweetwater 2023
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critique and comments welcome.
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Poignant and deeply felt; I like this very much. May I suggest that –

yet far more does the
knife wound the mind
to close my door
to you.

– reads awkwardly. I wonder if inserting “in closing” in place of “to close” would help? I would also tweak the layout, but you know by now that that is one of my ‘things’. The layout of a poem is so important. For your consideration only and these points do not take away from the work. 🙂 Elfstone


I agree with Elfstone 100 %, In closing is much better. A really good poem.


This is one of your best Sue, I love it. I also found this site difficult to organise a layout on. I would suggest centering and trying to get rid of the unnecessary gaps. I’m going to nominate anyway.


A poignant piece, Sue, worthy of the nib and nom!
I have been having a few problems with spacing too, which is frustrating. Like you I am not very computer literate, but I’ll try & follow Gothicman’s instructions next time.


It looks simple but it’s deep. Walking the ways my heart cannot travel. Great line! Do we exist? In what is existence? I breathe so I be.


Ah yes. It’s what poetry is all about.

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