Missing (Poetry Challenge)
Sorry no time so posting an old one
It was a strange sensation,
lying upside-down on a grass bank,
looking at the sun to see flying saucers.
I remember a tear as they took you,
your face a back seat white spot.
I’ve watched the skies for your return,
my body has been snatched
but it still thinks and talks the same,
my skin is thin and easily peeled,
it would reveal a younger man than me.
Did you ever try to escape
or settle in some place with me erased,
an artist amongst the zebra
with too much water on your brush.
You will recognise me if you look,
I’m lying upside-down, staring at the sun
waiting for the same sensation.
My colours now are black and white,
the stripes remind me to forget.
© savvi 2023
Views: 1536
Invaders from outer space and body snatchers, Keith? A possibility, some people think.
I am a bit confused by the ‘zebra’ reference.
Best, Luigi.
Sorry Luigi I typed a reply last night but I must have forgot to press send. The reply was much better than this one 🙂 thanks for taking the time to read and comment, much appreciated, oh and the Zebras are just other people…if that makes sense. Best Keith
Very interesting poem, the idea of alien abduction is very scary. At first I thought the person looking up was watching someone else being taken, but reading further I now think it was him, and he is speaking to himself, am I by any chance right or totally in the wrong orbit?
Hi Sue
The N was me and I am speaking to the person that left the town I lived in, speaking about loosing a good friend watching them leave because they moved away to another place and wondering if they will ever come back or even think about me again. Zebras are just other people and black and white is just me blending with the herd being lost.
Best Keith
A wonderful flight of imagination! I’m confused by ‘my body has been snatched.’ How many of you were abducted? And the artist’ bit. Grammatically it defers to ‘me’ the last person mentioned but I think you intend.to have us think it refers to the person returning. I’m confused. Some great phrases but the second half leaves floundering.
Best, Gerald.
Body being snatched is about me being older and looking back to the day they left and thinking what if they came back now. They say you should never explain a poem but they haven’t met my poetry 🙂
A lot hinges on ‘my body has been snatched’ and because what you mean isn’t instantly understood, I think it needs rephrasing to avoid ambiguity.
Gerald
Good point Gerald I’ll have another look.