Tell

A harrowing tale of child abuse (Not a pretty poem)

You caught me unawares as I knelt to say my prayers, 
I was just a little kid and what you did, 
Stayed with me throughout the years, 
Can’t be expunged with a million tears. 

Why? What did I do? 
Was I bad to you? 
You put your penis in my mouth, 
“Suck you little fuck!” 

You shoot your gout, 
I want to shout, to spit it out, 
You close my nostrils, make me swallow, 
I’m dead inside, I feel so hollow. 

You threaten me ‘don’t tell your mother, 
Or I’ll do it to my little brother,’ 

I hold my peace. 

You haunt me nightly in my dreams, 
And deep within me my soul screams, 
Still I hold my peace, no release, will it ever cease? 
Why do you do it? I am your niece! 

The years pass and I cannot ease the guilt and shame I feel, 
Will I ever heal? 
I’m filled with rage from an early age and turn upon myself, 
Take the razor from the shelf, 
Place its edge upon my arm, feel no alarm, 

I cut, 

I cut because I’m a dirty slut, guilty! I tempted you I must have done, I must have done, 
But if I die you will have won, 
So I slash lightly, not too deep, 
And then I cry myself to sleep. 

Now I have a daughter of my own, 
Leave her alone! Leave her alone, 
To protect her I find the courage to say, 
What you did to me on many a day. 

I tell, 

My husband listens, shocked disbelief, 
Lost in grief, 
Tears cascading down his face, 
He burns with shame for my disgrace, 

We tell 

My tormentor now is locked away, 
Oh joyful day, oh joyful day! 
I now have help I talk it through, 
And if this has ever happened to you, 

Tell! 

Tell and send the pain away, a teacher, parent, trusted friend, 
Tell and bring it to an end, 
Tell and make this person halt, 
Darling child it’s not your fault. 

Tell!