Incisors for Dummies

Bloody funny… I hope

Vlad The Impaler had two lovely canines

which the dental card labelled K9 and K8.

He was happy to show them when clean as a whistle,

or when biting through gristle on cheaper cut steak.

All the peasants wore copies at Halloween parties.

Every vulgar Bulgarian dressed as Court Drac.

But they never looked menacing, frightening or anything;

even in flight with the sun at their back.


He was very self-conscious, Ludmilla his spouse thought.

Like a mouse she had once caught invading her fridge.

So when having a polish at her Polish dentist,

she requested he tested her Vlad for a bridge.


Now Vlad the Impaler doesn’t need his inhaler.

His asthma’s not triggered, none laugh at his teeth.

So the moral, quite clearly, is teeth sitting queerly;

aren’t funny; sincerely, if there hidden beneath.

© franciman 2023
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critique and comments welcome.
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Not sure about the punctuation and the flow in the last verse, Jim.


Forgive me. I read this out to Mrs Dodgem, imitating, as best I could Noel Coward; and it worked a treat! Lovely stuff!

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