Reality Bites

Intro: up to 50 words (delete this text and enter your own)


Hey there reality

So you’ve caught up with me

But do you have to be

Full of brutality

 

I never ran away

I simply could not stay

Now you will make me pay

But what more can I say

 

At times you were too much to bear

It’s not, I didn’t want you there

Or even that I did not care

To say that really isn’t fair

 

I offer you now all that I call mine

And yes I promise I will toe the line

I’ll never lie and reply, “I am fine”

Even tho’ I’m made this way, by Gods design

 

If I promise to always heed your call

Routinely beg and plead and even crawl

Please. Don’t lift me up so I can fall

Just leave me curled up tight within my ball

 

You see I’ve always watched you, from afar

Often unsure of what you really are

This absentee begs you to show him clemency

I wish to God you’d never found this me

 

© marvo 2021
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critique and comments welcome.
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Stormwolf

Great title that matches the poem perfectly. Yes, many of us would like to escape from the reality manufactured for us by various means. It’s all a hologram anyway. Slight niggle….

But do you have to be
Full of brutality (? ) a question so needs question mark.

You have managed to keep the rhyming going on every line while changing the tempo all through. No mean feat. The whole meaning of the poem sort of filters through to the reader as they go along.
Great to see you posting too.
Reality does bite to be sure.

Alison x

Supratik

Alison, the whole poem is without any punctuation mark. I guess the author had chosen to skip all punctuation, except for inverted commas. Would there still be a note of interrogation?
Supratik

Stormwolf

The thing is that when one assesses a poem, one has to try to make helpful comments while not bursting that person’s balloon. In other words, I saw the discrepancies and sought to guide. The alternative is rather than perhaps what should happen is that someone has the guts to speak freely and not fear the repercussions from others. I have seen over the years that many chose to go against all forms of what was once considered ‘proper’ punctuation. When I started writing I started with a capital at the start of every line as many old poems do.… Read more »

Supratik

I totally agree. An emphatic yes to your response! You are doing a difficult job. Keep up the terrific work so we could all gain from it. Have a lovely weekend.
Supratik

Supratik

Good work. Loved reading it.

Dodgem

Um….not sure; notwithstanding (what a word that is!!) the sage comments so far, my gut feeling is that the rhyme could be reduced – but don’t ask how! As for punctuation, the poem that won the last Poetry Society contest was one long sentence – and try reciting that!
I began with the tradition of capitals beginning every line, then someone asked why? Why indeed? So damn the torpedoes marvo – a worthy posting.

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