My Crazy Diamond
On the anniversary of losing my son to cancer aged eighteen I wrote this, and as I can no longer play due to arthritis I sent it to my sons friend Dooley who is taking music in Manchester at about two in the morning, he sent it back recorded on his iPhone by ten on the anniversary. The same day!
My Crazy Diamond
As these words cascade upon the page
I feel a hole inside
Sometimes I shine like you
My crazy diamond.
All my friends say its good to have you back
But I’m not there
I’ll spend another day
Just staring at these four walls.
Come crashing down,
I smash my flat up again.
Silence deafens now
As these words cascade upon the page
I feel that your not there
Once I felt you rest on my shoulder
Now I’m five years older
The pain as fresh as yesterday
And the drugs don’t work now.
My dreams are full of death
They bring no distraction
I awake with tears in my heart
And a pillow case sodden.
It all comes crashing down
I’ll just smash my flat up again
The silence deafens now now now
As these words cascade upon the page
I feel a hole inside
Sometimes I shine like you my crazy diamond
All my friends they say it’s good to have you back
But I’m not there
I’ll spend another day just staring at these four walls
Staring at these four walls.
No parent wants their children to die before them. This is so vivid and moving. We are changed, despite what other people say. Nothing touches like the death of a child.
Thanks mate. No there are no words and I just know most people care, I feel awkward sometimes telling people because it brings them pain too. Definitely right changed forever.
Heart wrenching confession of inexpressible pain. congrats on the nib.
Alison x
Thank you Alison. Yes its going to be a life long pain.