Silence that Echoes
A silence so stifling,
Its echoes deafening;
With a shrill sound,
Reverberating around.
When will we awake
From this slumber that we fake?
Its echoes deafening;
With a shrill sound,
Reverberating around.
When will we awake
From this slumber that we fake?
Until a day when silence will be heard no more,
As it bores through ears, leaving fragments on the floor.
© Gomathi 2023
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Hi Gomathi. I was attracted by the title of your poem as silence was the subject of one of the early poems in my collection “Idle Thoughts”. Here are some points for you to consider: 1) I believe that ‘a surround sound’, which the dictionary describes as “A system of recording and playing back audio that uses four or more separate channels” is not what you meant to use to define the sound of silence. A suitable adjective is needed. 2) Personally, I would transfer the question mark from ‘awake’ to ‘fake’. 3) On the penultimate line I would discard… Read more »
Thankyou dear Luigi for the immensely thoughtful and rightful guidance. Now that I read it after the changes as suggested by you, the poem sounds so much better. Really admire your discerning eye and literary skills! Will soon post something on the lines as you have been advising for sometime, a sonnet maybe:) Once again so grateful for everything Luigi!
Warm Regards, Gomathi.
Glad to be of help. Looking forward to your next contributions.
Regards, Luigi x