Mist.
November mists enfold
the trees, wrapping
round their part clothed
form.
Catching leaves in
silvered palm
to place upon this
silent hour.
© sweetwater 2023
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November mists enfold
the trees, wrapping
round their part clothed
form.
Catching leaves in
silvered palm
to place upon this
silent hour.
I like the scene you paint in the first six lines. Such a scene is happening here at this hour. I don ‘t think “place” is quite the right word. Perhaps something like “to gently lay down” but that means splitting an infinitive.
Regards, Gerald.
Hi, Gerald, many thanks for your comment, and for reading.
I dithered over lay down or place, but the leaf floated so slowly down and drifted here and there as if considering it’s rightful place on the the other leaves below, so I decided on writing place. Sue.
Sorry,Sue, I must be failing to understand – are you saying that the leaves are being placed upon the “hour”? How do you do that? How do you place things upon an hour? Do you mean “at this hour”? Gerald.
I’ll have a go at explaining, but forgive me if it’s not very clear. It was one of those motionless, hardly a breath in the air days, muted by the mist. Everything at the time of writing was silent and the leaf itself fell silently, so the silence was of the hour as the leaf took it’s place on the ground. Not sure if that has helped at all. Sue.
Thanks, Sue, for explaining. I already understood that you meant the leaves were falling during a silent hour but it is the use of “place” that grinds with me as you cannot “place” something solid on top of an intangible notion, that of a period of time. If, however, you were to use “grace” – “to grace this silent hour”, then, what the November mists are doing would make better sense, in my humble opinion, of course. Another thought: the November mists are doing the enfolding and the wrapping; I think they are also doing the catching, so a comma… Read more »
Having read through the poem several times mentally changing it to your suggestion I can see that it would work, I will give it a lot of thought, I tend to hesitate to replace my original thoughts for different ideas as technically they are no longer mine. However if my thoughts don’t make sense then they probably should be changed.
Many thanks Gerald for your help and advice. Sue.
I look forward to reading it. It will still be your work. How many other masterpieces in English anthologies had suggestions from the poet’s publishers, wives, lovers, etc.? Thousands!
Gerald.
Beautiful poesy! Loved the words used to unfold the scene.
Best wishes, Gomathi.
Thank you Gomathi, I have a small oblong window just above table height, it frames the view of the copse behind my short garden beautifully and that is what inspires a lot of my writing. Sue.
This lovely romantically worded vignette takes the sting out of November’s chilling bite.
Thank you very much guajiros I am so pleased you liked it. Sue.
This is most definitely my kind of poetry. Simply beautiful.
Featheredwing.
I am so happy to hear that it’s your kind of poetry, thank you very much featheredwing. 🙂 sue.
A much appreciated comment Trevor, thank you. Doubts were beginning to creep in and I wondered whether to change it or leave as is. Sue 🙂
Thank you Trevor, I am giving it a lot of thought, I like the idea of using ‘grace’ but I am still hesitant, and I don’t know why because a couple of years ago I would have done so with no hesitation at all.
But I do appreciate the suggestion. Sue.