First Song.

 

3am and a lone voice

begins to tweak the air.

A drowsy-eyed dawn

slowly blinks away the

darker shades of night,

filigree fingers draw 

puddles of opal grey across

the fresh set canvas,

of a day barely born.

© sweetwater 2019
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critique and comments welcome.

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Franciman
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I like this, Sue. The key here is brevity – so much contained in few lines and lots not said. One suggestion, two adverbs in the last two lines? Maybe ‘fresh set’ rather than freshly? The ‘barely’ is unavoidable and is right for the piece.
Cheers,
Jim

Omecronon12
Member

Delicate wording that I’m used to by now. Very nice write. Thanks!

Pommer
Member

Hi Sue, short, sweet and to the point as usual,
be lucky,
Peter xx

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