On Alexander Bard and Europride 2018

What follows is a piece of satire. Sensitive readers may be offended.


 

 

 

Interviewer: We have the priviledge of having Alexander Bard with us here. Mr Bard, you have been banned from Europride 2018 and you’ve made a great deal of noise about that. Can you summarize your critique, please?

 

Bard: I am who I am; I’m Alexander Bard and the movement wouldn’t have existed without me and moreover everything I say is true per definition. Of course I’m pissed.

 

I: Thank you very much for your insights in who you are mr Bard. Would you say that Pia Sundhage is a good substitute for you at Europride 2018?

 

B: Pia who?

 

I: Pia Sundhage. She’s the leader of Sweden’s national team in football with a great deal of medals both as trainer and also as former player.

 

B: I see. The Who! Yes; too much hair in the wrong places and they’re not dressed properly. She even sounds like a man. I need to correct you. The Who never won any medals.

 

I: What is your opinion on sports then?

 

B: Sports can be good for sexual activities. Not as good as amphetamine but good.

 

I: Thank you for your great insights in sports generally and Pia Sundhage in particular, mr Bard. You’re also known as a philosopher and as a psychologist and your practise is in Stockholm, Sweden. Some years ago you stated that “A somewhat intelligent client will be well after 14 sessions.” Wouldn’t you agree that the statement in question is an insult to perhaps 98% of everyone who’s ever been to a psychologist?

 

B. That’s mere journalism.

 

I: But you said that in an interview.

 

B: Yes I did.

 

I: What about everyone else on planet earth then. Aren’t you insulting?

 

B: Since I said it it’s true per definition.

 

I: Thank you for your great insights in psychology mr Bard. I believe I can tell that you’re a busy person. You have a past in music and according to you the Swedish music export was invented by you with the band Army of Lovers. What is your opinion on ABBA and Monica Zetterlund?

 

B: Monica who?

 

I: Oh well. ABBA then?

 

B: ABBA is a new band with some potential due to their looks.

 

I: ABBA has in fact reformed, mr Bard.

 

B: That’s mere journalism.

 

I: Let’s turn to sir Bryan Ferry. He received a knighthood a number of years back and has previously received great prizes for his song writing. A number of years back he attended, among other things, Gorbatjev’s 80:th birthday. What is your opinion on him?

 

B: He has a nice hair cut and a great bum.

 

I: Thank you for your great insights in what it takes to get a knighthood and also for your great insights in song writing and politics mr Bard. If I’m not mistaken you’re also an internet sociologist reinventing god in the modern world. Can you expand on that please?

 

B: I need to check the Nietzsche dictionary.

 

I: What for?

 

B: It’s on the web.

 

I: Well mr Bard. The Nietzsche dictionary is in the Netherlands. How do you reinvent god in the modern age?

 

B: Basically anyone can set up a convent using nodes to gather amounts of power.

 

I: What is your definition of power?

 

B: I need to consult the Nietzsche dictionary for that.

 

I: Thank you for your great insights in anthropology, mr Bard. Let’s have one more question. According to some critics you have ripped everything in your career including philosophy. You have claimed that philosophy is for the elite. Is that correct?

 

B: Of course it’s correct. It’s an elite occupation.

 

I: People have noted that you went to a limited number of seminars in aestetics in the 90:ies held by pHd students. What is your opinion on that?

 

B: I don’t remember really but the pHd students must have had massive sex appeal.

 

I. In your book “The Netocrats” you claim that you’re doing something nobody before you has done by introducing elititism as a novel form of elitism. What is your opinion on that looking back?

 

B: I have to check in the Heidegger dictionary.

 

I: There isn’t any Heidegger dictionary mr Bard.

 

B: In Leuwen there is.

 

I: The Husserl archive is in Leuwen, mr Bard. Thank you for your great insights in philosophy, psychology, anthropology, recreating god, ripping others, sports and last but not least Europride 2018. A big hand for mr Bard!

© Omecronon12 2018
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