Three Lonely Stanzas
Three tankas in search of a subject.
(1)
An orchard pathway
leads to a lost lover’s home
bare branched apple trees
that once bowed heavy with fruit
now barricade against him.
(2)
A well trodden path
leads to his lost lover’s house.
Once fruit-lush trees are
now stark, drab, bare. Exposed roots
trip him. He hurts. He walks on.
leads to his lost lover’s house.
Once fruit-lush trees are
now stark, drab, bare. Exposed roots
trip him. He hurts. He walks on.
(3)
The apple orchard
where they climbed for juice ripe fruit
is now grass covered.
His lover has long since gone
barren roots alone remain.
© coolhermit 2023
Views: 1088
I like the imagery of this, the barren starkness of the surroundings echoing the loss of love and the loneliness of being abandoned.
I can remember my first writing of these – a few years ago – on a bus going past a lane I used to ride on the way to a girlfriend – it was not a happy relationship but I decided to project myself into an emotion as if it had been happy and how I’d feel in that case. Thanks for your kind words, Gee.
like the imagistic bent.
perhaps instead of
“now stark, drab, bare.. Exposed roots”
“now skeletal. Exposed roots”
and then finishing, “trip him. Hurt, he stands. Moves on.”
I had ‘skeletal’ in one of the earier edits – it fits the syllable structure but not the mood. I read my stuff at events and skeletal while good in its own way is a fast word – I wanted slow words to mirror the passage of time and slow decay of the orchard/love affair. The doleful rhythm of, stark, drab, bare – a half-second pause between each word allows a sombre beat. I may change ‘bare’ – the right word will come – it’ll do for now. Insofar as the last line suggestion, I’ll give it a run out… Read more »