Woke early, rose
Worked on a poem
2 cups of coffee
On repeat St. Vincent
Went to wake you
A cup of hot, black coffee
In hand, you pulled
The covers over your blond head
I slipped out of jeans
Under the sheets
Lay on your bare bottom
Gently moved, slowly
Now your ass moved with me
You turned over, face
A laughing sun
© slovitt 2023
only thing i didn’t really like was ‘ass’
you already mention bottom
you could use another term. such as pelvis. moved appears twice too close.
nice sensual poem without ‘ass’ it would be nicer.
relax, “ass” is a perfectly good word, part of a natural, and no longer vulgar lexicon. speaks to the ease between the two. thanks, i like it too.
well dear sir, my relaxation is irrelevant.
English vocabulary is rich enough, just saying “ass” saves you from a lot of trouble, which means it’s the easy way out, now you managed to seem eager to write a poem that is not written based on ‘an easy way to describe’ the repetition of the verb move, however, and the plain and even now quite vulgar word ‘ass’ unfortunately ruined your initial attempt.
i am certain there is a better way to write these lines. this poem has potential.