Three linked Haiku – Parted
Parted, and not
fingers on my neck
her touch still warm and ice cold
parted from me now
fingers on my face
love and tears and smile and joy
parted from me now
fingers on my heart
closing years in a moment
now parted no more
© stevescriber 2023
Views: 1892
I like this very much, especially the last verse. 🙂
Thank you Sweetwater, that it made you smile is the only reward that means a damn 🙂
I am glad you wrote three linked haiku even though the challenge has ended, which is what I would like, the challenges to be deadline free. Just a source of inspiration one can find here and write something anytime he or she wants. Thanks! (do not change the category because of what I just said about the expired nature of this challenge, who knows maybe there’ll be some sort of discussion sooner or later that will lead to better rules for challenges or a new forum of Reopened ones…)
I too just like to post things that come to mind as and when but I can see the fun in an opened ended challenge. Perhaps we can easily have both with a cut off point to decide who sets the new challenge but also leaving it open indefinitely to catch any other blossoming ideas that come along. I should own up to not realising the deadline had in fact passed. It came to me so I posted it. That it gave any pleasure is an added bonus.
Steve, Yorkshire is it? Second or third cousin to that Hughes person by any chance? 🙂
You really did well with this and have the syllable count down pat! The concept is pleasing too, and works beautifully from beginning to end. Poignant.
Perhaps:
her touch still warm – yet ice cold
smiles
to a moment
Felt you were going for the idea of encircling or embracing in that last verse – but of course those words don’t work in a haiku format! Just suggestions, Steve. Your poem, so it’s whatever you are happy with. 🙂 bel
Thank you very much Belcanto, no Hughes in the bloodline I’m afraid just the odd steelworker. “Yet” works very well, I’ll consider that should a similar flow arise. As I’ve said, for me short things are quite visceral with little tinkering apart perhaps from some little nudges to work within the rules so I suppose you’re going to see more “rough work” but it is what it is and I’m sure your kind words will only help me refine my rabid outpourings 🙂 Thanks again to everyone here for running it and being a part of it.
Well done. All of them. Consider them more as senryu.