Dark Clouds Return

 

Cancer Diaries – The Last Entry


 

Dark clouds return, stealing the sun from my sky,

bringing with them the winter wolves of yesteryear.

They come closer, as if they sense the time has come.

The crows are back, surrounding my dreams.

I have only dark thoughts.

There’s a crack in my world, a shift in my place …..

The order changes and I must move on.

—————————————————————————————————-

2nd July 2017

This will be my last entry, I’m in hospital with weeks to live. I’m told that my nemesis has finally tipped the scales in its favour; cancer has got me in the end.

It’s been a long, sometimes bitter fight, one that I hope I have given good account of myself in. As you may imagine my journal has told only half of the story: it was best that way.

That the end will be quick may be a bonus. The knowledge came out of the blue, a shock to us all.

Lesley and I had just returned from Roscoff, as mentioned in my last entry. We had a fabulous time with beautiful weather. A great hotel and some wonderful food and drink. Jim and Jackie Archibold (Franciman) came down for a couple of days, we talked writing, life, love, all of the stuff that friends do.

I should have sensed the coming storm. Our return journey hit a fog bank an hour from Roscoff. It lasted for the next five hours until we docked into Plymouth, then it rained.

We slid back into our Plymouth routine. The sale on the flat had completed. There was family stuff to deal with. The dog needed a clip; all the things that fill our lives… and then

On Tuesday 27th June I started feeling cramp pains in my stomach. They got worse. In the end I had to phone Lesley and get her home . When she arrived I started vomiting vast amounts of bile. Lesley contacted my consultant who we were meeting at 09:00 the next day. She asked if I would be able to make this so that she could deal with me personally. We said we would try.

Wednesday 28th June we got up at normal time and Lesley took the dog for a walk. Just as she returned I started vomiting again, this time black gungy water. We made it to the Cancer Centre and met with my consultant. Sarah said that I would not be going home.

A bed was found in the hospital, there was more vomiting. I was clearly in big trouble. After the scan they gathered around my bed, the news was that I had weeks (at best) to live.

I could write a whole chapter on the turmoil this information brings to you and your family ….. but I won’t.

Please know that I have loved my life, the last eighteen years with Lesley and girls have been more than I could ever have hoped for; bearing in mind my past.

I have few if any regrets as those who have read my stories and poetry will understand. When the time comes, I hope I can step up to the plate with a little dignity is all.

I wish you all well on your journeys through life, I hope you have half the fun I have had.

Over and out

Mikeverdi

ps. Please read recent update posted in the forums. 

 

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sweetwater

Oh Mike I don’t know what to say I’m in tears and I can’t think straight.
I must tell you though that you have been a huge influence and inspiration in my life, and I want to thank you for all the help, advice and encouragement you have given me. I shall never ever forget.. Sue xx.

pommer

Hello Mike, I was absolutely devastated when I read your latest.What can I say, I immediately fished out your number and left a message for Lesley,who I am sure must be very concerned at present.I know what it can be like, having gone through the experience recently. You both need all the support you can get. Now Mike It seems only a short time ago when we first met so to to say on the Forward Poetry site.So ti was through your help that I am writing on UK Authors..Also I appreciated your comments on my scribbling, and reading your… Read more »

pommer

Hi Mike, not so much of the old farts.I am only 19 after all.Sorry I always get that the wrong way round.Ha,Ha.Take care, Peter.

valdohren

Mike, just returned from a short break away to read this post. I hope you are still logging in to receive this post from me. I am so, so very sorry to learn this news, and my heart goes out to you and Lesley. There are so many cliches one can impart at times like this and I am sure you have heard them all, so I won’t repeat any now – only to say you will be sorely missed by myself and of course by everyone else here on UKA. I hope your journey through this will be an… Read more »

valdohren

Try not to fight it Mike, be at peace now and know that everything has been worth it, that your purpose has been fulfilled, and you leave a great legacy to all of us.
Val xxx

andrea

Mike, you know me – not a one to post, or handle these things well. But you know we all love you…

andrea

Stabilised, eh? You ol’ bugger – hang in there 🙂