Looking Back.
Feeling nostalgic I suppose.
Take me away to a day that
was young, to a time long
ago, and a life unsung.
To a page with no title
and lines written feint,
where age was a canvas
awaiting the paint.
© sweetwater 2023
Views: 1733
Feeling nostalgic I suppose.
Take me away to a day that
was young, to a time long
ago, and a life unsung.
To a page with no title
and lines written feint,
where age was a canvas
awaiting the paint.
Yep, that’s good stuff Sue
Mike XxX
Thank you very much Mike 🙂 xxx
I felt this poem sweet water; brief but profound. May I say that I stumbled over the layout of the first lines and may I respectfully suggest this:
Take me away
to a day that was young,
to a time long ago,
and a life unsung.
Same words but I think the re-setting of them makes them fit with the rhythm and look of the last four lines. For your consideration only. Elfstone.
Many thanks Elfstone, I appreciate your suggestion I will try it out before I post any where else. I liked it this way so hadn’t considered any other, tut tut 🙂 thank you again, Sue xx
Good poem, Sue. I too felt that the layout of the first three lines was a bit out of kilter. Elfstone’s suggestion seems a good one.
Luigi xx
Thank you Luigi, I will try it out the way suggested before I post anywhere else, I must admit I liked it this way, so hadn’t tried any other layout.
🙂 Sue xx