Looking Back.

Feeling nostalgic I suppose.

 


Take me away to a day that

was young, to a time long

ago, and a life unsung.

To a page with no title

and lines written feint,

where age was a canvas

awaiting the paint.

© sweetwater 2020
Views: 1400
critique and comments welcome.
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Mikeverdi

Yep, that’s good stuff Sue
Mike XxX

Elfstone

I felt this poem sweet water; brief but profound. May I say that I stumbled over the layout of the first lines and may I respectfully suggest this:

Take me away
to a day that was young,
to a time long ago,
and a life unsung.

Same words but I think the re-setting of them makes them fit with the rhythm and look of the last four lines. For your consideration only. Elfstone.

Ionicus

Good poem, Sue. I too felt that the layout of the first three lines was a bit out of kilter. Elfstone’s suggestion seems a good one.
Luigi xx

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