The First Snow

It’s that Christmas card thing…


Bright white light at dead of night,
splashed across the orchard floor;
marks the snowfall’s quiet arrival,
unannounced at Winter’s door.
Huddled thick and deep in corners,
scattered thin and sparse on trees;
shows the path of wild creatures,
free to wander where they please.
Silver-coating winter berries;
sugar-frosting sheltered lanes;
powder-dusting window ledges;
nicely icing window panes.

Dawn comes in on silent footsteps

Utters only muffled sounds.

Filters through the gaps in hedges.

Has no limits knows no bounds.
Daylight sketching crystal rainbows,
sunlight drawing red the edge;
Snow shifts swiftly on the breezes,
dipping curtsies on the hedge.
Gathers round the sides of buildings,
rolls unhindered from the tiles;
Spills from steps and stoops and standings,
congregates in great soft piles.

© franciman 2020
Views: 1374
critique and comments welcome.
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Savvi

Love the pace of this Jim it just flurries off the tongue, and all the imagery you have managed to treat us to gets me all festive.

The two ands in the penultimate line needs a look and I’m sorry but you’re not getting away with crystal rainbows, not on my watch, work it harder son. Best Keith

Sweetwater

Crisp and sparkling bright, I love it, great rhymes and smoothly drifting flow. So much is lovely but my absolute favourite line… ‘Dipping curtsies on the hedges.’ Sue.

Nemo

Every image of snowfall skillfully evoked here, Jim, superb. One hitch, I think, After you have mentioned ‘Dawn…..padded footsteps’ you then have ‘Filters through the gaps….’ I’m sure you mean the snow but the last subject mentioned was ‘Dawn’ which makes it the understood subject of ‘Filters’, ‘Gathers’ and ‘Spills’ which is not what you intend, is it?
Regards,
Gerald

Nemo

Jim, you.could move the.dawn couplet up four lines before the daylight bit and then the problem’s solved.
Cheers,
Gerald.

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